Dell DBA Days Prep: Country Songs About Databases

Humor, SQL Server

I travel a lot, and I’ve seen a lot of things, but even I was surprised this week when I sat down in a Cracker Barrel Restaurant that had the oddest soundtrack. It turns out there’s an entire sub-genre of country music that specializes in database songs.

While I was sitting there eating my Uncle Herschel’s Favorite Breakfast (with country ham and hash brown casserole, of course), I heard tunes like:

Hardware with our name on it
Hardware with our name on it
  • Your Cheatin’ Transaction
  • The Day I Lost My Tables
  • Papa Warned Me About Triggers
  • He Left Me with MongoDB
  • God Bless the Transaction Log
  • The Night of the Cold, Dead SAN
  • Save Me from Books Online
  • She Thinks That She’s an Admin
  • Distributed Transaction Blues
  • Workin’ 99.999 to 5
  • Why Won’t You Commit?
  • The SQL Server 2000 I Hide
  • The Best Little Data Warehouse in Texas

Amazing. I had no idea these were even a thing. I’m sure we’ll hear more next week in Round Rock. I might even sing a few for you – register to watch and find out. Leave your suggestions in the comments, and we’ll pick our favorite one Monday, announce it on the first Dell DBA Days webcast, and give the winner a free Everything Bundle.

Erik says: My favorites were “Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Developers”, “Ring Buffer Of Fire”, and “Patching After Midnight”.

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67 Comments. Leave new

  • Patching After Midnight, rebooting till the dawn…..
    Thank you Eric, I’ve now got Judas Priest in my head today.

  • RollingBack Texas – you know… “The only two things in life that make it worth living are databases in tune and firm shaped query plans.. I don’t need my name in the CIOs e-mail. I got my scripts and I got DBCC. Maybe it’s time we got back… To the basics of Data. Let’s go to RollingBack Texas….”

  • A Boy Named SQL

  • Christopher Stoll
    August 2, 2016 7:42 am

    Sqlille Nelson, ‘Blue Eyes Crying in the Plan Cache’

  • He Stopped lovin SAN’s today

    You ain’t women enough to steal my page

  • “If I were a DBA”
    “Replication’s Gonna Cut You Down”
    “There Ain’t No Good (Ownership) Chain Gang”
    “Server Room Blues”

    Yes I’m a Johnny Cash fan!

    And one from Waylon Jennings: “Are you sure Developer Done It This Way?”

  • I have 99 problems but a backup ain’t one

  • “AlwaysOn My Mind”
    “The Thunder Rolls Back”
    “Achy Breaky Query”
    “Standby Your DBA”
    “DBAs in Low Places”

    • Brandon – I have to confess that I laughed out loud – hard – at AlwaysOn My Mind. Nicely done.

    • John Broomfield
      August 2, 2016 6:39 pm

      No back-up (shoes), no indexes (shirt), no problem – Kenny Checksum (Chesney)
      I’ve got friends with low disk space (in low places) – Merge BLOB (Garth Brooks)

      Gotta stop now, because this is too much fun and could be here all day

  • “Your Pappa was a rollng Backup”

  • “Don’t go to the server room after the sysadmins been there”

  • “Full Scan Prison Blues” by the excellent Johnny Cache

  • Brian Williamson
    August 2, 2016 9:22 am

    Harper Valley D.B.A.

  • “You picked a fine time to leave me, DB…
    with 4 hungry SANs and a BLOB in my heap”

  • Brian Williamson
    August 2, 2016 9:30 am

    Data Miner’s Daughter (Coal Miner’s Daughter)

    All my Data live on SATA. (All My Ex’s Live In Texas)

    If You’ve Got The Money I’ve Got The Time ( Consultant’s song )

    Take this job and run it. (Take This Job And Shove It)

    SCSI Mountain Breakdown (Foggy Mountain Breakdown)

  • Shawn Wheeler
    August 2, 2016 9:44 am

    I Fall to Fragments
    Devil went down to the DBA’s Desk
    When you don’t DBCC at all
    Thank God I’m a DBA

  • Baby’s Got Her Bad Idea Jeans On

  • Monte Kottman
    August 2, 2016 11:21 am

    You are my SAN space, my only SAN space.
    You make me happy when space is great.
    You never know SAN how much I need you.
    Do not take my SAN space away.

    (You are my sunshine)

  • “Put your sweet CIFS a little closer to the phone”

  • Proud to be a NULL Key from Muskogee
    (a place where even WHEREs can have a NULL)

  • Nice list – here’s a few more of my favorites:

    Burnin’ LUN
    Last Train to Crashville
    The Night They Drove Old Indexes Down
    The Ring of Fired DBAs
    The SAN Admin Went Down to Georgia

  • Lucas NIcholes
    August 2, 2016 11:36 am

    Servers with Low Disk Space
    God Bless the DBA
    User mode is Single (I’m Drinking Double)
    SQL Code of Many Colors
    I hope you Crash
    16 Hekatons

  • Kenneth Wymore
    August 2, 2016 11:45 am

    You Never Even Called Me By My Full Qualified Name

  • Greg McQuibben
    August 2, 2016 11:59 am

    The Rinestone DBA
    Before He Shrinks the Database – Carrie Underwood
    AlwayOn My Mind – Willie Nelson

  • 1) Looking for data in all the wrong places.
    2) All my indexes live in Texas.

  • The Most Beautiful GUID
    I Got a Table By a Thread
    Louisiana LAN , Mississippi WAN
    I Can’t Stop Locking You

  • Shawn Wheeler
    August 2, 2016 12:10 pm

    God Bless Indexes (Texas)

  • Shawn Wheeler
    August 2, 2016 12:14 pm

    I Wanna Check You With sp_Blitz ® (I wanna check you for Ticks)

  • Todd Pettijohn
    August 2, 2016 12:19 pm

    to all the triggers I’ve loved before

  • Lonesome, On’ry, and Fragmented

    A DBA can survive

  • Greg McQuibben
    August 2, 2016 12:33 pm

    Transactional Replication Blues – Merle Haggard
    MVCC Blues – Merle Haggard
    The Night They Took the production DB Down
    Hadoop Don’t Care – Tim McGraw

  • 1) You’re the reason god made back ups. – Lefty Frazell
    2) Ain’t worth the memory. – Cole Swindel
    3) SQL the Bismark – Johnny Horton
    4) GUI Man – Dwight Yokam
    5) The only alert my server ever raised – Merle Haggard

  • “Starting Over Again” -RBAR McEntire

  • 1)The day I called Brent
    2)The UPDATE of no WHERE
    3)His Code-name was Denali

  • Buy me a SAN, it could buy me a DC to store it
    It could buy me a 16 TB RAM iced down with some liquid cooled servers
    Yeah, and I know what they say,
    Money can’t buy everything
    Well, maybe so,
    But it could buy me a SAN

  • Crash me SQL Server down Brent (tie me hunting dog down jed)

  • Faster Queries, Younger Plan Caches, Better indexes, and more Money!

    (Faster Horses by Tom T. Hall)

  • Islands In The StreamInsight

  • Drew Skwiers-Koballa
    August 2, 2016 4:04 pm

    She Thinks My Transactions Sexy

  • A couple more in addition to my post way up at the top.

    SQL Server Going Down. (To the tune of Sunday Morning coming down)… “And there’s nothing short a’ dying That’s half as lonesome as the sound Of the screeching C-Level Team
    And SQL Server going down.”

    The DBA (To the tone of Highwaymen) “I was a DBA Along the cube rows I did ride
    With scripts and pistol by my side. Many a young developer lost their courage to my trade
    Many a PM shed his lifeblood on my blade
    The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five But I am still around I’ll always be around, and around and around and around and around…”

  • Check Constraint Yes or No – George Strait
    The Index That Built Me – Miranda Lambert
    Any Plan of Mine – Shania Twain

  • Drew Skwiers-Koballa
    August 2, 2016 4:18 pm

    From This NoCount On – Shania Twain

  • Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Write Cursors

  • Greg Burnett
    August 2, 2016 4:26 pm

    “Microsoft by Mornin'” sung to the tune of “Amarillo by Mornin'”
    “Power supply in Low Places” sung to the tune of “Friends in Low Places”
    “Redneck Motherboard” sung to the tune of “Redneck Mother”
    “She’s Actin’ Single DOP, I’m Drinkin’ Doubles”
    “Desperados Waiting for A SAN”
    “Behind Closed Connection” sung to the tune of “Behind Closed Doors”
    “I Fail to Authenticate” sung to the tune of “I Fall to Pieces”

    • Stefanie Higgins
      August 2, 2016 4:57 pm

      Patchin After Midnight
      (my sincere apologies to Alan Block, Donn Hecht and Patsy Cline but I really wanna hear Brent sing this one! 😀 )

      I’m a’ patchin’ after midnight
      Blinking in the desklight, watchin’ the progress 3,2,1
      I’m always patchin’ after midnight
      Ohh, when will it be done?

      I patch for hours across the wifi
      But I keep wonderin’, why its always me and not you too?
      I’m always patchin’ after midnight
      Workin’ for you

      I stop to check a lonely install log
      hangin’ on the C: drive
      Maybe it’s a server reboot for me
      And as the skies turn gloomy
      Night winds whisper to me
      I’m lonesome as I can be

      I go out patchin’ after midnight
      Blinking in the desklight, just hoping you may be too
      Somewhere a-patchin’ after midnight
      Workin’ for me

      I stop to check the SQL build number
      lookin’ for six O two O
      Hopin’ it’s the end of work for me
      And as the skies turn gloomy
      Night winds whisper to me
      I’m lonesome as I can be

      I go out patchin’ after midnight
      Blinking in the desklight, just hoping you may be
      Somewhere a-patchin’ after midnight
      Workin’ for me

  • GUID Crush – Little Big Town

  • Reply
  • The closest I can come up with is:
    Ghost Records in the Cloud (Ghost Riders in the Sky)

    Sorry… I will go back to my corner now…

  • Steve Clarke
    August 3, 2016 2:44 am

    How about that old nursery rhyme.

    “row row row the record gently down database stream”

    Sorry about the duplicate data!

  • That’s awesome.

    I’ve been doing songs like this myself at SQL Saturdays. For example:


    • The “Seven Databases Song”

      Its not just a song it a video too!!!

      It’s totally original (lyrics, music (well ok… not totally original in the music dept) and video)

      It covers the main features of 7 (yes seven) different databases…! And it does all this in about a Minute and a half !!! For fast learners its very educational… You won’t believe how much they pack into this until you see it!

      Its like a delicious Doritos corn chip, after you listen once you just want to listen to it again… no kidding… try it out here:

  • Oh – also there is this one, which features a cameo from a certain Scary DBA putting on the worst Scottish accent you ever heard.

    I also sang an Oasis song “Waterfall”. It started something like this:

    Today is gonna be the day, the deployment is all down to you,
    By now you shoulda got my mail so you’ll know exactly what to do,
    I don’t believe I’ve missed a thing so kindly push it live (and do it now)!

    Fortunately no video footage survives.

  • From a developer, singing Diggin’ up Bones from Randy Travis:

    I’m diggin’ up queries, I’m diggin’ up queries,
    Tunin’ things that’s better left alone.
    And I’m resurrecting performance of an app that’s dead and gone.
    Yeah, tonight I’m sittin’ alone, diggin’ up queries.

  • Money for nothing (and get your CICS for free) – another consultant song!

  • Stand by your SAN, by Dolly Always ON (rather than Part ON)

  • Brian Kallion
    August 5, 2016 12:34 pm

    I’m So Corrupted I Could Cry
    The DBA Went Down To Georgia

  • “Get off on the Pain” by Gary Allen- no need to change the name of the song… 🙂

  • I don’t know why I love endian
    that love to do me wrong
    I don’t know why my life sounds like
    A heart broke country song
    I ain’t really happy
    Unless the drive starts IO strain
    Maybe I just get off on the pain
    And my whole life I been picking fights
    And development ain’t going to win
    There’s a hundred trans I should have run away
    Now tattooed on my skin
    There’s a side of me that just won’t stop
    SQL so fast in the flame
    Maybe I just get off on the pain
    ‘Cause I love the long shot
    And the left out lost causes
    And hanging out with the trace file and the tech forces
    I ride the long IO just as fast as I can
    God knows there’s no one else to blame
    Sometimes I think I get off on the pain….

  • William Meitzen
    August 8, 2016 8:27 am

    Save a Heap, Ride a Cluster (Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy)

  • Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Use Entity Framework

  • Dear Child,
    AlwaysOn,Replication,Log Shipping,Mirroring you all are so perfect in your own responsibilities.I always confused to choose one to another.My elder son ‘AlwaysOn’ currently doing so well,Same thought.. I had about replication when AlwaysOn not born.
    Thanks to God who blessed me ‘AlwaysOn’ which is combination of Replication and Mirroring.
    Specially, I want to suggest Log Shipping…why you are cope bundle of data at the same can loss your data.
    Finally I want to tell to all my child..”You all are perform important role for my family..So Please don’t left your father.”

    Your Father
    Sql Server DBA


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