We’re Renaming sp_BlitzFirst. What Should the New Name Be?

Yesterday we announced that we’re open sourcing our free SQL Server scripts, and one of those is sp_BlitzFirst. I originally named it that because it had a funny magic-8-ball type feature: if you pass in a question as a parameter, it gives you an answer like “Outlook not so good, Access even worse.”

Cute, but now that it’s open source, it’s time to give it a name that matches the important stuff it does.

Here’s what sp_BlitzFirst does:

sp_BlitzFirst with no parameters gives you a prioritized list of reasons why your SQL Server is slow right now, like a backup running, rollback happening, a data or log file growing, a long-running query blocking others, extremely high CPU use, etc.

sp_BlitzFirst @SinceStartup = 1 shows your wait types, file stats, and Perfmon counter activity since startup.

sp_BlitzFirst @OutputDatabaseName = ‘DBAtools’, @OutputSchemaName = ‘dbo’, @OutputTableName = ‘AskBrentResults’ – plus a few other parameters – captures your wait types, file stats, and Perfmon counters into a table so you can do your own performance trending over time.

So what should we name it?

Most of our other tools start with sp_Blitz, so maybe sp_BlitzPerformanceCheck or sp_BlitzMetrics. I have no idea. But I bet you do, so put in your comments here before end of day on Friday, June 24th, 2016. We’ll pick a winner based on completely random subjective taste, and the first person who suggested that name will get a free Everything Bundle. Good luck!

Tara says: I like sp_BlitzNow. Vote for my pick, and I’ll send you some Brent Ozar Unlimited magnets. I’m kidding. Those things are heavy. Shipping will mean I can’t pay the mortgage. If my pick wins, I’ll give away the Everything Bundle to a random person that commented.

Update 2016/06/27 – the winner has been chosen! Turning off comments. Keep your eyes peeled for the announcement.

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338 Comments. Leave new

  • It’s an early step in diagnosing trouble
    so: sp_triage
    It fits with your health care branding

  • sp_TellMe

  • sp_FixThisSh*t

  • I would suggest sp_BlitzMaven or sp_BlitzGuru or sp_BlitzMaestro

    Maven (from the Yiddish word, meyvn, “one who understands,” ultimately from the Hebrew term mebhin): Generally used in the sense of someone with expertise in a sophisticated area of study or skill.

    Guru (from the Hindi word for “teacher” or “priest,” from the Sanskrit term guru-s): Originally denoted a spiritual mentor, but the meaning was later extended to a secular sense and then generally to an expert.

    Maestro (from the Italian word for “master,” ultimately from the Latin term magister): A term for a gifted composer, later extended to orchestra conductors and now sometimes used facetiously to refer to those with pretensions of genius. The English form master denotes both an academic leader (hence “master of arts” and so on) and one who is eminent in any given field of endeavor.

    Since this tool can teach and guide, I think any of those terms fit.

  • sp_BlitzEverything

  • JAMES YOUKHANIS
    June 21, 2016 8:29 am

    sp_BrentO_lifesaver

  • Given the first aid-style branding you apply to your other services, I would suggest sp_BlitzCheckup. Or maybe if you’re feeling more invasive, sp_BlitzProbe.

  • sp_AskTheDBA

  • Andrew Berry
    June 21, 2016 8:33 am

    sp_BlitzKrieg. You’re after SQL server resolution quickly. This proc gives you just that.

    • Andrew – funny thing, I got some feedback once a few years ago that the term blitzkrieg has negative connotations around war. I hadn’t thought about that since I actually thought of blitz in terms of the football play!

      • Andrew is correct. When going to war with a SQL Server, it’s always best to invade that server and get it over with quickly.

        As for the sensibilities of anyone who’s offended by history and mere words, let them take it up with historians and Holocaust survivors.

      • Andrew Berry
        June 22, 2016 8:10 am

        Of course it’s tied into war as it’s to do with strategy based around speed and surprise and the use of light tank units.

        Your script diagnoses quickly and may surprise with certain settings being at fault that you wouldn’t necessarily know about.

        Granted your script has no references to tanks afaik. Maybe some ASCII art at the top of the script should you choose the name…

    • sp_BlitzCreak – for when your server about to fall apart

  • I like sp_BlitzNow (and not just because I’m easily bribed…besides I usually only respond to food-based bribes).

    sp_BlitzCache analyzes your cache. sp_BlitzIndex analyzes your indexes. sp_Blitz looks at everything. So, sp_AskBrent should be named after whatever it’s analyzing.

    sp_AskBrent with no parameters is really analyzing your slowness (your words): sp_BlitzSlowness or sp_BlitzPerformance

    sp_AskBrent @SinceStartup=1 arguably doesn’t quite look at slowness. Actually, one could argue it doesn’t analyze anything. It’s more like @DoItYourselfMode

    • Andy – oooo, slowness is actually interesting too!

      • If you go with sp_BlitzSlowness, I’ll accept payment in tacos.

      • Or sp_BlitzBottleneck ?

        It looks at wait stats to determine where you’re waiting, and what your bottlnecks are.

        Doesn’t really roll off the tongue very well, but it describes what it does.

    • Was looking to suggest something similar to Andy’s. It’s clear on what it’s does by it’s name, and fits right along with the rest of the suite.

      That or to go along with the football theme, sp_BlitzHailMary

      • sp_BlitzHailMary would be a proc to reboot; because no one could find a better answer.

    • I like sp_BlitzNow or sp_BlitzPerf. Both are short, catchy, easy to remember, and accurately describe the function of the tool.

      Try saying sp_BlitzSlow or sp_BlitzSlowness three-times-fast, it hurts.

    • Jim Haralam
      June 21, 2016 6:47 pm

      sp_BlitzPerformance Couldn’t agree more. Let me know exactly what my current performance is like.

  • sp_AskHAL9000

  • Sp_Alpha

  • I like sp_BlitzMetrics or sp_BlitzPerfCheck. I can live with sp_BlitzNow, but the name does not say what it does.

  • Michel Zehnder
    June 21, 2016 8:35 am

    sp_BlitzSqlHealth or sp_BlitzHealth, because it’s kind of a quick health-check of the server

  • I’m with Michael Swart. Blitz-something.

  • sp_snail

  • Before I even read Tara’s comment I was thinking sp_BlitzNow.

  • sp_BlitzBox – Server-wide blitzing.

  • I vote for sp_ServerCheck.

  • SP_BlitzOpenSourceScript => sp_Boss because it needs to be easy to write !

  • sp_VitalSigns:

    noun
    clinical measurements, specifically pulse rate, temperature, respiration rate, and blood pressure, that indicate the state of a patient’s essential body functions.

    Seems to describe it pretty well?

  • +1 for sp_BlitzNow. It fits perfectly with the naming convention of the other scripts and clearly says what it is meant for.

  • sp_AskOracle

    (hee hee hee)

  • sp_WhatsUp

  • I would say sp_CheckMyServer.

    taking into account that it gathers metrics about different performances issues that your server is going through.

  • Seriously, though… you’re looking at measures of speed, so sp_BlitzGauge or sp_BlitzMeter…

  • or sp_Blitzometer… ok, I’ll stop now…

  • sp_blitz_askSql

  • Nick Molyneux
    June 21, 2016 9:12 am

    sp_BlitzDiagnose considering it helps diagnose what’s happening at the very moment.

  • sp_BlitzServer
    sp_BlitzInstance
    sp_BlitzShowDevWhyTheyAreKillingTheServer

    • Never call a proc sp_xxx. So I say use a dedicated schema

      Blitz.Index
      Blitz.Cache
      Blitz.Server

  • sp_BlitzBazinga or similar to one already suggested sp_BlitzPrfChk

  • Well, as others have said, sticking with the “health” convention:
    SP_BlitzWhereDoesItHurt
    or
    SP_BlitzSQLHealthRecords (especially appropriate when logging to a table)

  • How about sp_whatshappening or sp_whatsup

  • SP_Recon : Recon for the term “reconnaissance”. Recon inline with the idea of getting the early observations on the Database or the first thing to start with.

  • sp_BlitzWTF

  • sp_Blitz

  • sp_PlayAction – lets go on the offensive side of the ball
    sp_PlayActionPass

    sp_BlitzBGap – in spirit of Brent

  • sp_BlitzAskMeIKnow

    An attempt at keeping it PG rated.

  • David Shower
    June 21, 2016 9:34 am

    sp_BlitzInsight or sp_BlitzExamine are my nominees.

  • Brian Kallion
    June 21, 2016 9:37 am

    How about sp_BlitzAsk to keep the Ask part of it from the original name.

  • sp_BlitzChart (as in patient chart). +1 for sp_BlitzDiagnose

  • In response to Tara’s magnanimous offer to donate the Everything Bundle to someone else, if she were to win, I’d like to say that if I win, I’m keeping it. Mine. Forever. ALL MINE. Mwaaahahahaha!

    • Hahahaha! I’m only donating it because I already have access to it. Otherwise it would be MINE. Hehe

  • sp_Blitz101 – After all, it is where you should start…

  • Jeffrey Davis
    June 21, 2016 9:54 am

    Some words regarding what it does:
    Diagnose, Investigate, Examine, Scrutinize, Poke, Inspect, Interrogate.

    But what about just
    sp_Ask
    or
    sp_AskMe
    sp_AskMagic
    or since AI is popular, give the script a name
    sp_AskOptimus
    sp_Optimus
    sp_AskRobot
    sp_AskRobbie
    sp_AskFred

    After that brainstorming, I like
    sp_Optimus

    Since it’s all about optimizing.

  • Michael S. Armentrout
    June 21, 2016 9:55 am

    sp_panoptic

    pan·op·tic
    adjective
    showing or seeing the whole at one view.
    “a panoptic aerial view”

  • Michel Zehnder
    June 21, 2016 9:57 am

    sp_BlitzPanic
    sp_BlitzDontPanic

  • sp_BlitZSanity

  • My vote is for sp_OzarHealthCheck. Keep your name in it some way.

  • Graeme Martin
    June 21, 2016 10:20 am

    What about sp_blitzCheck or sp_blitzLube or sp_blitzAnalysis?

  • remi bourgarel
    June 21, 2016 10:23 am

    sh_BlitzWhatsWrong

  • sp_TurboButton
    sp_Blitzen (only around the holidays)
    sp_PowerBlitz
    sp_PowerBlitzEnterpriseEdition (has one really cool feature and costs $$$)

  • sp_BlitzInsight

  • sp_WhySqlNotActive

  • sp_BlitzUp

  • sp_WhyMyShitBroke
    sp_MyShitAintWorkin

    • This language isn’t very becoming here (maybe in the cold dark server room at 1:00 am). +1 for sp_BlitzNow. I’d love to use this but, alas, I am plagued by the fearsome QUOTED_IDENTIFIER error every time I run it.

      • Darrell – uh oh, not sure what you mean. Feel free to add a bug over in the Github repository with the full info & screenshots though. Thanks!

  • Marty Trenouth
    June 21, 2016 11:10 am

    sp_FacePalm

  • Sp_SprockyMcSprocFace ?

  • sp_BlitzyMcBlitzFace

  • sp_PerformanceBlitz

    I think it makes sense as that is what this script is used most of the time.

  • sp_WTF

    Less characters = better
    Self-explanatory

  • Alberto Federico Turelli
    June 21, 2016 11:13 am

    sp_BlitzToDoList, or sp_BlitzToDo

  • Bill Lescher
    June 21, 2016 11:14 am

    I’m on the Tara bandwagon with a vote for sp_BlitzNow.

  • sp_answer42 in homage to the hitch-hikers guide….

  • Sp_MayDay
    Sp_WhatIsGoinOn
    Sp_WhereAmI
    Sp_GiveMeStats

  • sp_bo_server_observations

    🙂 Thanks again. What ever the name we decide hope the _BO_ remains in the name. The name means quality, expertise in SQL.

  • sp_WhySlow
    sp_BlitzKrieg

  • sp_DatabasePsychicReading Because it does what most psychics do, read the signs/signals from the person they conning then give back insights the person could have found for themselves if they had taken the time for some self evaluation.

  • sp_BlitzRecon

  • sp_BlitzStrike; Why blitz strike you might ask… Well it would be the form of strike meaning as the refusal to work organized by a SQL server and the blitz part is the act of getting the server back into working order.

  • Leonard McCoy
    June 21, 2016 11:17 am

    sp_BlitzTricorder

  • sp_BlitzServerStatus
    sp_BlitzStatus

  • Paul Goldstraw
    June 21, 2016 11:17 am

    I would suggest SP_BlitzStatus as you’re effectively checking the status of the box at that moment and it’s short enough not to be hard to remember/type

  • In honour of another famous naming poll conducted recently, how about sp_BlitzyMcBlitzface (not sure if my non-UK friends will appreciate this one)

    • Paul Goldstraw
      June 21, 2016 11:20 am

      I appreciated it. Unfortunately you’re about 6 minutes late on this one 🙂 but its good enough to be suggested twice

  • Alonso Herrera
    June 21, 2016 11:19 am

    I like sp_BlitzNow or..

    sp_BlitzDiagnostic

  • Steve Callan
    June 21, 2016 11:20 am

    Continuing with the naming practice that Microsoft/someone out there says not to use for your stored procedures (that begin with sp_ because msdb SPs get checked too):

    sp_Ozarmatics
    sp_HelpMeSpock

  • Kevin Marshbank
    June 21, 2016 11:21 am

    To put it inline for what I use sp_WhoisActive for why not sp_BlitzActive?

    Second recommendation: sp_BlitzIt

  • Simon Holzman
    June 21, 2016 11:21 am

    I suggest sp_WTF – short and sweet and easy to remember.

    When no parameters are provided, the Message should give details of the parameter options – perhaps just the most common/useful ones with ‘Help’ being a choice that can give the full list.

  • sp_BlitzScotty in the spirit of Star Trek. Because Scotty can fix anything!!!

  • How do you like sp_BlitzFerret? It snoops around the dark corners looking for interesting stuff.

  • Kevin Marshbank
    June 21, 2016 11:23 am

    Maybe sp_BlitzCurrent

  • Dexter Jones
    June 21, 2016 11:23 am

    sp_BlitzIT (as in IT, get it? Get it?)
    sp_BlitzFix
    sp_ServerBlitz
    sp_DaBlitz (as in Da Bearz. See also Bill Swerkski. Hey, it is Chicago-based.)
    sp_AutoBlitz

  • sp_BlitzAnalysis

  • Andrew Greene
    June 21, 2016 11:27 am

    I know this is breaking the mold, I think sp_AskBlitz. It starts like it was before and will autocomplete when I start typing the wrong proc.

  • sp_BlitzHelp cos we need a fast help 🙂

  • There are some really wonderful suggestions – the ones that resonate with me are sp_BlitzTriage sp_Blitz_Checkup sp_Blitz_Now and sp_Blitz_insight.

    I would like to add sp_BlitzScan sp_BlitzWhatsup sp_Blitz_me sp_Blitz_Scope sp_Blitz_Suspects

    This is fun! Thanks for all you do!

  • John Pagakis
    June 21, 2016 11:29 am

    sp_WhatNow

  • Michel Zehnder
    June 21, 2016 11:29 am

    sp_AskCommunity – because it will be open source for everyone to contribute

  • Since it relates to health checks perhaps sp_BlitzOSHA?

  • sp_AskBlitz – simple change, keeps it close to what it was.

  • Jason Pieper
    June 21, 2016 11:35 am

    In homage to Snow Crash, I suggest sp_BigBoard

    BigBoard told Hiro Protagonist what was going on in the Black Sun in the Metaverse.

  • Call it sp_WTF

    That’s the real question I am trying to answer every time I fire up sp_AskBrent!

  • Dave Pattison
    June 21, 2016 11:36 am

    sp_BlitzCheck

  • Stuart Perkins
    June 21, 2016 11:38 am

    sp_WhySoSlow

  • Todd Pettijohn
    June 21, 2016 11:39 am

    sp_BlitzAlive

  • sp_StopCallingMeImWorkingOnIt

  • sp_Ranto
    sp_AskBlitz

  • sp_FindtheGrue

  • Chris Hoffman
    June 21, 2016 11:49 am

    How about sp_WWBD (What Would Brent Do)?

    If not that, I like sp_BlitzNow. Tells you what’s going on right now.

  • I like sp_SwissArmyKnife or sp_SwissKnife or even sp_SwissArmy as it’s a handy utility. Y’all kin throw “Blitz” into it but then it gets a bit long.

  • Brent, really appreciate the fact that you’re giving all of us a chance to rename your brain child.
    How about:

    sp_BlitzStats (I know its boring)
    sp_BlitzMe / sp_BlitzifyMe /sp_Blitzify
    sp_BlitzMeUp / sp_WayToBlitz / sp_HowToBlitz

  • David Hirsch
    June 21, 2016 11:50 am

    sp_Blitz911
    for emergency help

    • Ramesh chirumamilla
      June 21, 2016 6:25 pm

      I like 911 in the sp name , not a bad idea David

      • David Hirsch
        June 21, 2016 6:34 pm

        Thanks…sometimes numbers are easier to remember than letters, at least for some people (including me). Could also be sp_Blitz411 for the info…

  • What the hell, I’m not sure if it’s inspiration or perspiration…call it sp_BlitzCYA.

  • sp_WTF ????

  • Melissa Riley
    June 21, 2016 11:57 am

    sp_BlitzRescue
    I do like sp_BlitzNow as well.

    Thank you!

  • Carlyle Miersma
    June 21, 2016 11:58 am

    Everyone else’s suggestions make too much sense. How about, uh, BlitzWait … to quote Richard: “Mwaaahahahaha!”

  • sp_reveal (or various forms of synonym such as sp_reveal, sp_discover, sp_divulge, sp_identify)

  • I’m with Tara too!

  • Hi guys, how about sp_BlitzInsight?

  • Personally I like, in no priority order:

    sp_BlitzMetrics
    sp_BlitzPerf
    sp_BlitzHealth
    sp_BlitzCheckIt

    But my favorite: sp_BlitzFixIt

    I really think it should retain the sp_Blitz prefix! Keep it with the rest of the toolset. I use these on EVERY server.

  • David Shelton
    June 21, 2016 12:13 pm

    How about sp_IToldYouItWasTheNetwork?

  • sp_ozquery

    Virtues:

    1) Legacy: Keeps your name in it, kinda.
    2) Branding: Opens up all kinds of “wizard of…” opportunities.
    3) Grounding: Resonates with what we do.

  • sp_BlitzIt

  • sp_BlitzToBliss

  • Ramesh chirumamilla
    June 21, 2016 12:32 pm

    Sp_FirstResponder

  • I’m thinking:
    sp_BlitzBits
    sp_BlitzKit

  • I would say sp_BlitzPerformance because sp_AskBrent gives you performance details.

  • Well, its about looking at performance and returning metrics so…

    sp_BlitzPerformanceMetrics

    but since that is a little long… lets shorten it and go with:

    sp_BlitzPerfMetrics

  • sp_Diggs
    Rationale:
    Brent is a wizard (cue slavish hero worship). Brent’s last name starts with ‘OZ’. Hence Wizard of Oz.
    The Wizard of Oz’s true name was Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs (O.Z.P.I.N.H.E.A.D., which he shortened to OZ). Sorry about the pinhead part, Brent – blame Baum for that. So Diggs, the Wizard’s last name.
    Diggs has connotations of digging for something. Certainly many SQL implementations have the air of an archaeological dig to them. I assume everyone can dig that.

  • Not so clever
    June 21, 2016 12:51 pm

    sp_limpBlitzkit

    sp_BlitzOhWhatTheHellHaveYouDoneNow

    sp_blitzDeets

    sp_blitzenSplunk

    sp_blitzkriegBop

    sp_facepalm

  • how about sp_OzarsRazor since it points us to the simplest, and usually correct, solution, not unlike Occam’s Razor. Has the added benefit of being sort of palindromish.

  • Hondo Henriques
    June 21, 2016 12:56 pm

    sp_BlitzPulse

  • Thomas Norman
    June 21, 2016 12:59 pm

    sp_BlitzDoctor, sp_WhatsUpDoc

  • Tom Uellner
    June 21, 2016 1:04 pm

    Some people got close to this one but not quite so I’ll go with:
    sp_BlitzHealthCheck

  • Tony Fountain
    June 21, 2016 1:06 pm

    sp_BlitzDeezNuts

    Someone had to do it… yes, I have young children and I act like one too 🙂

  • Tibor Karaszi
    June 21, 2016 1:10 pm

    sp_whatsCookingDoc

  • My vote is for changing it to sp_AskPinalDave… just for maximum confusion points.

  • Steve Callan
    June 21, 2016 1:15 pm

    sp_PerfMon

  • sp_Blitz_hereiswhy

  • sp_whodo because it is like magic…

  • sp_BlitzOwwie, because you need to know where the pain is in order to K.I.S.S. it.

  • sp_BlitzFreud – “How are you feeling right now?” haha

    Actually, I think it should either be Tara or Swart’s suggestion….

  • sp_Clu
    as in: give me a clu(e) as to why this db server is so darn slow and also “codified likeness utility.”
    From the Tron Wiki: “Flynn used Clu a lot for hacking and for fixing Flynn’s banking statements and phone bill problems. Even Flynn himself said that Clu was his best program”….

  • sp_BallroomBlitz

  • sp_Proctology

  • Leon & Jamie
    June 21, 2016 2:16 pm

    sp_PrepH

  • Dimitri Grinkevich
    June 21, 2016 2:19 pm

    what about

    sp_tracker

    sp_sleuth

  • SP_PerfStat = Performance Status

    1) It’s very easy to recall.
    2) Pretty much sums up what it is checking.
    3) Doesn’t exist in the current set of Microsoft SQL supplied SP’s, or SP’s created by common SQL Server monitoring packages such as Idera and Dell Spotlight. ((=

  • Sp_BlitzHealth

    Sp_BlitzER – my fave

    Sp_BlitzDoc

  • Great idea to open-source it!
    I thank you all at Brentozarunlimited every day for your great contributions!!

    Sp_blitzWhy because at first all questions start with Why.
    Or
    Sp_blitzTackle to keep the reference to American football.

    Thanks again from France!!

  • Paul Tormey
    June 21, 2016 2:31 pm

    How about…sp_BlitzIT

  • sp_SQL_Health

  • sp_BlitzNow is perfect.

  • Donald Smith
    June 21, 2016 2:39 pm

    I think sp_WTF would do it!

  • sp_ShowMeWhereItHurts

  • Fred Franco
    June 21, 2016 2:41 pm

    I like sp_slowaitstats

    Modern research in psychology shows that three syllable words that have congruency in their composition, either in sound, spelling or imagery, are perceived favorably in our brains and are more easily recalled.

    Ok, maybe I just made that last part up, but “sp_slowaitstats” is descriptive, rolls off the tongue and a google search yields zero results. 🙂

  • How about sp_Tellme?

    LOL

  • John Nelson #2
    June 21, 2016 2:56 pm

    sp_BendOver
    sp_TurnAndCough
    🙂

    To me, the Blitz has no specific meaning. I think of the Powershell approved verb rules
    https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ms714428(v=vs.85).aspx

    specifically the diagnostic verbs:
    https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/system.management.automation.verbsdiagnostic(v=vs.85).aspx

    So maybe sp_Debug-SQL or sp_Trace-SQL

  • Samuel Jones
    June 21, 2016 3:01 pm

    sp_BlitzPerf
    or
    sp_BlitzOS
    It’s essentially a performance monitor for SQL OS

  • Aaron Morelli
    June 21, 2016 3:07 pm

    sp_WellFrick,WhoISNTactive

    sp_ServerEye (for the DBA guy)

  • sp_why – after all you’re trying to discover why it’s slow…. it’s also playing on the already know sp_who2

  • sp_Yoda

  • sp_OZ

  • sp_WhatIsSlow

  • Steve Callan
    June 21, 2016 3:25 pm

    sp_WhatNow, with the assuaging sp_WhyMe, and its ancillary sp_FUBAR or its standard edition version of sp_BOHICA

  • sp_GoFaster

    Who wouldn’t want that? You can tell your leader / customer that you just need to run the GoFaster procedure and things will get better soon.

  • SP_WTF?

  • sp_ozquery would also be a huge score in Scrabble.

  • joshua birger
    June 21, 2016 3:43 pm

    How about SP_BlitzFirst

    First check you do in an emergency.

    i also like sp_blitzCheck as suggested previously.

    I suggest the alternative sp_blitzPickle. to get you out of the pickle.

  • Tim Hollobon
    June 21, 2016 3:43 pm

    sp_A_SQL_Ukase_Breakdown_of_Runtime_Entities.

    Actually you could just abbreviate that to sp_ASK_BREnt…oh wait…

  • Paul L. Jemiolo
    June 21, 2016 3:45 pm

    How about sp_BlitzBrowser ?
    It doesn’t correct anything but gives you insight to help you fix it…

  • Alonso Herrera
    June 21, 2016 3:54 pm

    sp_BlitzWhySoSlow

  • SP_Sherlock
    Because that stored procedure does a lot of SQL Sleuthing!! (-;

  • Afternoon,

    My thought is: sp_UnderTheHood

  • sp_Huh!?
    sp_WhoDunnit
    sp_NowUSeeMe
    sp_BloodHound
    sp_CatchMeIfUCan

    • Layak Mohammed
      June 22, 2016 1:42 pm

      Sp_SQLHelp. It relates to the #sqlhelp we use on twitter for urgent assistance.

  • Raj Mandalia
    June 21, 2016 4:05 pm

    Many great suggestions but I’d like to make a couple of point and then you can call me old fashioned:

    – “BrentOzar” s a well know brand in DBA circles, ditto for the word “Brent”.
    – “Did you ask Brent?” sounds better than “Did you run sp_Blitzxxxxx?” or “what did Brent say?”, when the kiddy DBA comes to you with an “everything is slow”.
    – even if you change it, many people will continue to call it sp_AskBrent; do you really want to make me add a line to it each time a new version comes out – I certainly plan to SYNONYMS-ize it.

    And so, my suggestion: sp_AskBrent

  • sp_whathappen_someonesetusupthebomb

  • sp_IToldYouNotToDoThat

  • AskyMcAskface

  • As you want to know the state of your server right now, this name makes it obvious:

    sp_BlitzNow

  • sp_CSI
    sp_BlitzOnaRitz
    sp_DBAsButt

  • sp_BlitzWho
    sp_WhoBlitz
    sp_WhoBrent

    sp_ActiveProc
    sp_RunningProc
    sp_CurrentProc
    sp_ViewProc

  • Replied on twitter but sp_whobrokeit

  • sp_ProcMon
    sp_LiveMon
    sp_SqlOsMon

    sp_SOS

  • sp_BlitzZen Because… well just think about it.

  • sp_IssueFinder

  • Robin Wilson
    June 21, 2016 5:29 pm

    How about sp_BlitzWhySoSlow as it’s the question users tend to ask you?

  • Jason Verkerk
    June 21, 2016 5:37 pm

    sp_m8 or sp_BlitzM8 as in “Mate” or Magic 8 (ball)

  • Kevin Marshbank
    June 21, 2016 5:46 pm

    sp_Blitzy –cuz it’s easy
    sp_Blitzer –Wolf Blitzer style
    sp_Blitzz — cuz I only need to add 1 more letter
    sp_LordBlitzness — who doesn’t like the Lego Movie?
    sp_BlitzSpecial — ditto
    sp_BlitzThis — get ‘er done

  • Breck Dahlin
    June 21, 2016 5:51 pm

    I like sp_BlitzNow

  • Jason A. Sager
    June 21, 2016 5:59 pm

    It is a bit wordy, but …

    sp_WhatTheBlitzDidTheDevsBreak

  • Sp_blitzDiag
    And btw excellent tool. Thanks

  • sp_BlitzFalseStart
    sp_BlitzRedZone
    sp_BlitzHailMary

    Keeping with the football theme here…

  • Kevin Fries
    June 21, 2016 6:10 pm

    Just as a side note, I can’t believe someone didn’t try to offer sp_FreeBeer as a new name.

  • i’d like “sp_Tricorder” or “sp_BlitzTricorder”. Also it can be “sp_SerenityNow”.

  • sp_BlitzAdvisor
    sp_BlitzSeek
    sp_BlitzSeeker
    sp_BlitzDTA
    sp_BlitzShowME

  • sp_BlitzSQLAdvisor

  • Sticking with the medical theme – sp_RxStat

  • Tony A Fountain
    June 21, 2016 7:57 pm

    sp_BlitzMcBlitzFace

  • Sp_WhatsUp

  • Christian Villegas
    June 21, 2016 7:57 pm

    SP_SQLicu (SQL Intensive Care Unit)
    SP_SQLHale (Another word for health)
    SP_BlitzGuide
    SP_Focus
    SP_Nucleus

  • How about sp_BlitzScoop as in “what’s the scoop” or “scoop up the data”

  • Nancy Hidy Wilson
    June 21, 2016 8:00 pm

    Lots of great submissions and this one is probably already mentioned (I haven’t read them all), but I suggest sp_BlitzER.

  • William Meitzen
    June 21, 2016 9:10 pm

    sp_monitor2
    sp_BlitzRx
    sp_analyze

  • Steve Callan
    June 21, 2016 9:16 pm

    sp_BombSquad

  • Pradeep Nagarajaiah
    June 21, 2016 9:43 pm

    Sp_Blitzhealth or sp_SQLDoctor

  • sp_DidYouTryTurningItOffAndOnAgain

  • Sp_Brentcheck
    your name have to stay there for sure to show your kindness.

  • sp_AnswerMeTheseQuestionsThree

  • Emmett E Childress, Jr
    June 22, 2016 12:02 am

    sp_BlitzLikeAnExpert

    sp_BlitzTelemetry

  • SP_ServerStatus

  • sp_quickBlitz

  • Michael Robson
    June 22, 2016 1:49 am

    Is SpBlitzReactions in the thread too lazy right now to read the whole thing? Anyway that’s either my vote or idea delete as appropriate.

    Only downside is the little guy @dbareactions may have a good lawyer

  • Brent + Blitz =

    sp_Britz

    AskBrent and Blitz already stand apart from the other utilities due to their more general nature; the similar names would help to underscore this fact, with the added benefit that you get a nice bit of L/R chirality to keep them straight.

  • As a non-native English speaker, I remember in school we had to practice “WH questions”.
    I would like to have, apart of sp_who (and its derivatives like sp_WhoIsActive), other useful procedures like sp_why, sp_where, sp_when; and even sp_what (Adam Machanic will probably create his own one – sp_wtf..).

  • sp_BlitzHMOG to encapsulate the interesting items that pop up at times.

  • Roman Brauchle
    June 22, 2016 3:10 am

    When I started to use sp_AskBrent I did not know much about SQL Server performance and how to check it. The Script was a simple way to find out what is wrong with my server. So I suggest:
    sp_SimplePerfCheck
    sp_EasyPerfCheck

    If you like to switch to have Blitz in all Scripts, which would be a good idea:
    sp_BlitzOverview
    sp_BlitzSimple
    sp_BlitzEasy

  • krishna karnati
    June 22, 2016 3:15 am

    I vote for sp_PerformanceBlitz or sp_BlitzEverything or sp_BlitzNow or sp_AskFred

  • I like sp_BlitzNow or sp_BlitzTriage

    How about sp_BlitzPerfLog as it collates performance data?

    Sorry if its already been mentioned above.

    There are lots of good suggestions!

  • I would suggest – “sp_Assist”

  • peter edenharter
    June 22, 2016 3:51 am

    sp_BlitzPrimer

    The thing you start to do your job.

  • I favor sp_BlitzCheck

  • SQL Server Performance Tune
    June 22, 2016 4:44 am

    “SP”_InTheToilet

  • Norberto Carnelli
    June 22, 2016 4:48 am

    I thought about these and they were all already proposed
    sp_AskBlitz
    sp_BlitzKit
    sp_BlitzWTF
    sp_LimpBlitzkit

    so I say sp_BlitzReviewIt

  • Blitz being the quickness in the kit, you need another to generate it, so sp_Lightning sounds like the best power generator.

  • Shouldn’t they really be “usp_” as are still user provided (DBA) routines?

    usp_blitzdetect — it says it all
    usp_blitz1stLine — your 1st line of SQL support ideas
    usp_blitzwtf — pretty to the point 🙂
    usp_blitzidentify

    … just a few ideas

  • Jeff "Woody" Torres
    June 22, 2016 6:28 am

    I think it is important to give credit to the originator of any code, so I like sp_BOMetrics.

  • sp_blitzCheck – because that’s what is being done, we’re checking. Unfortunately, I believe this suggestion was posted once already. How about sp_blitzRead ? hmmm… Given X parameters we’re reading what’s going on in the server when it is run. Yes. That’d work well.

  • sp_AskJeeves

    Or is that one taken already?

    Well then how about…

    sp_AskClippy

  • How about just sp_WhatsWrong ? Seems simple enough, says what it does, and is pretty accurate as to the nature of it’s results.

    Some alternatives:

    sp_WhatToLookAt
    sp_WhatNext
    sp_WhatsNext
    sp_WhatDoIDoNow
    sp_WhatsWrong
    sp_WhereToLook
    sp_WWBOD — (What Would Brent Ozar Do?)
    sp_OzarHelp
    sp_BOZ_Info
    sp_BOZAR — kinda like sonar, but Brent-ified, so to speak…
    sp_PerfHelp
    sp_PerfData
    sp_PerfGofer

  • Victor Sosa
    June 22, 2016 8:13 am

    Sp_BlitzStatus
    Sp_BlitzCurrentStatus
    Sp_BlitzInstanceStatus
    Sp_InstanceStatus

  • sp_Bliss

  • +1

  • How about : UP_Blitzen. Why? Because my SQL server is powered by Santa’s reindeer and I want this script to be named after one of them. “UP” because that’s not only what you are supposed to name procedures (actually, anything != “sp” will do) but it’s also a good place for the server to be (up, as opposed to down, or in the mud in my backyard because my chickens have destroyed it. It being my yard, not my SQL server. Haha. Just realized I have a chicken named “io”, after the moon of Jupiter, not IO.) where was I? Oh, right. Naming your procedure….

    I would also be happy with sp_blitzen or even sp_eatMoreChicken, though the use of “sp” will never, ever make me happy.

    Since you aren’t really supposed to use sp anyway (at least, that’s the advice I’ve always heard) you could also try something like moving your “blitz” to the front on ALL your procedures as blitz_ or bltz_ then you could call this one bltz_it or bltz_q (for question) or even bltz_blitzen. You could then tell people that the BLTZ stands for Backups Logs TranZactions = BLTZ. It’s all about these things, right? “Why the ‘Z’?” Some foolish mortal might ask. “It’s phonetic, and adds j’ne sais quoi(sp?)” you’ll say. “And panache!” It could also be “B

    I used to have a similar script that you could “ask” to search the audit logs in the past for a specified time frame for painful, long running queries. I called it up_whatHappened (up because every Dba who I ever showed sp_whtaHappened to told me to call it and there is probably code still floating around that renames sp_ to up_ on that script). As you know, whatHappened and it’s baby, up_VARSCAT, later became up_LookingGlass and is a major part of a major database driven product called Relativity. I’m only saying this in order to establish my pedigree and qualifications here as a master procedure namer. I’m not trying to brag, or make all these other nubes look bad so you will pick mine. I would never do that. Never. Oh hey, did you know that guy Erik Darling helped me write it? Well, most parts of it anyway. Him and his clever joinery…what was that thing called…right! CROSS APPLY or something like that…he was so good at those.)

    Hi Erik. How’s the wife and kid? Made another one yet? Got one on the way? Can we name him/her on here, too? Brent, give my love to Erica and Ernie. We should get dinner soon.

    XOXOXOX
    Scott

    PS I hope all my poorly veiled attacks against your use of “sp” isn’t so offensive that it causes you to throw this tremendously long answer that I am writing while lying in bed and listening to Sunshine crowing through my window in the backyard into the trash. (Ha! Parse THAT <—)

    P.P.S. I have a pet rooster names "Sunshine".

    • *”B…BLTZ could also be Bacon Lettuce and TomatoeZ.”

      This was a contribution made by my wife while I was reading it to her, which she made me do because she wanted to know why I kept chuckling so hard every time the rooster crowed.

    • Erik Darling
      June 22, 2016 12:08 pm

      This is like when you catch your grandparents writing private messages in status updates.

      HELLO SCOTT!

      • Admit it: moving blitz to the appropriate place (bltz_ )* is the only good idea that has fruited from this rotating down the drain thread of inanity…speaking of which….

        …Have you ever flushed a thread on a spool down the toilet with a wad of tissue at the end? Hold the spool on something so that it can rotate freely. When you pull the thread back out, measure it, and it will tell you how far you are from the sewer.

        I don’t really know if that will work or not, I just made it up. Why? Because this is the Internet. That’s what we do here. We make shit up. Dammit. I miss our marathon calls. The insults, the barbs, the witty conversation.

        *AND, it has the added bonus that if you do it, I will have renamed ALL of your scripts. *sigh* You won’t do it. It would be too much. Brent’s head would explode.

        • Erik Darling
          June 22, 2016 3:59 pm

          1. Measure circumference of thread spool
          2. Make single red line down side
          3. Tie thread around… wait, no, nevermind.

  • Not to say Oracle ever does things better, but maybe steal an Oracle name for similar tool. Oracle has a damn good tool call ORACHK for Oracle Check. So maybe call your offering sp_blitz_sscheck

  • Stephen Mangiameli
    June 22, 2016 8:42 am

    sp_BlitzTriage is my favorite so far. But if you want to have some fun with the name…

    Mystically themed:
    sp_CrystalBall
    sp_ManBehindTheCurtain

    Hunting themed:
    sp_ServerSkinner
    sp_SQLGuts

    Military themed:
    sp_BlackBox
    sp_WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot (My Personal Favorite)

  • To be honest, I like the original title (sp_AskBrent). Not only is it simple to remember but it’s his mind that put a lot of this stuff together and at least one of these incredibly useful procs should have his name in the title even if it is going open source.

  • I like Sp_Blitzhealth or Sp_blitzNow
    Keep it short an simple

  • Sp_BlitzWhyWait

  • sp_Rudolph
    Hey, who guides the sleigh?
    Although, if you use sp_Blitzen, then you have an entire block of potential script names. Do note that the beta should be named sp_Blixen. I would also caution against sp_Donner. One has visions of buggy code eating up the data. You sleigh me.

  • JudgementDay

  • sp_Sh!tzBrokeYo (get this alot from my users), sp_WWCD (what would Codd do) or sp_HaveYouTriedTurningitOffandOnAgain (too long? yeah, maybe)

    In all seriousness like style, I do like Tara’s recommendation of sp_BlitzNow. It just makes sense.

  • sp_answers

    or sp_insight ?

    :0)

  • sp_Blitz2TheQuickening
    sp_BlitzenTrapper
    sp_BlitzSchlitz

    and the best one yet –
    sp_BlitzOfThrones – in the game of SQL you either live or you die.

  • I think I am going to have to have to vote for Dan Meenan’s sp_OzarsRazor.
    To quote William of Ockham
    IN OMNIBUS curiosus existis, nec me desinis infestare.
    Which is largely how SQL server must view us.

    Separate of that and continuing on the sleigh/reindeer theme (Scott started it!) – sp_Vozok, favored by the sp_Boyars. The Wikipedia entry pretty much describes the Vozok/SQL connection to a t. There’s probably some sort of numerology thing going on here.
    Baum added ten more reindeer in his Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, so you guys need to ramp up script writing a little.
    The men in the white coats are coming for my daily walk, so I must leave you now…

  • sp_BlitzOnTheFritz
    sp_Colonoscopy

  • sp_Sleuth
    sp_BlitzSleuth
    sp_InspectorClouseau
    sp_BlitzFritzFinder

  • sp_Blitzkrieg gets a +1 (drat it was already posted/submitted)

    so I submit…

    sp_BlitzPains

  • @brent – first thing that I did after reading this post was to spend a few minutes playing with the humor of the sp – good job! I like the fact that you make sure to always have a fun factor associated with your work.

    @tara – sp_blitzNow isn’t that informative of what it does (It does tell you “when” it is happening…) – guess I’m not gonna get your Everything Bundle… oh well.

    @Michael J Swart – SP_BlitzTriage +1

    @David Hirsch – sp_blitz911 +1

    @Auber – sp_blitzhelp +1

    my vote would be sp_BlitzDistress
    reasoning would be to keep the sp_Blitz prefix, and then describe the condition you’re in when you would be running this. Since this sproc has different functions, triage or the like isn’t accurate in all situations… hence the idea of working on the user’s condition rather than the functionality of the procedure.

  • sp_ReleaseTheKracken

  • Franklin Cid
    June 22, 2016 12:56 pm

    How about:

    sp_BlitzVitalStats
    sp_BlitzVitalSigns
    sp_BlitzDiagnostics
    sp_BlitzEngineCheck
    sp_BlitzONE
    sp_BlitzSQL911

  • sp_BlitzLaserNinjaDragonShow

  • Tim LaVenice
    June 22, 2016 1:45 pm

    Sort of a medical spin, but what about sp_BlitzCPR, sp_BlitzHeartRate or sp_BlitzHeartbeat.

  • sp_BlitzPerfMon — a one-up on the Windows version (or two-up, or three-up…)

  • sp_ServerStatus

    Easy ..peasy ..Handy any time..on any server…install once on all servers and use it when needed ..just like sp_whoisactive !

  • I thought, keep the number of characters short, yet informative.

    sp_inform

    Regardless what you call it, it will continue to be a great product.

  • Layak Mohammed
    June 22, 2016 10:40 pm

    Sp_sqlhelp goes along with the twitter hashtag #sqlhelp for urgent help

  • Enrique Argüelles Añorve
    June 22, 2016 11:50 pm

    I still submit sp_AskDiogenesClub yeah its a bit geeky but I like it

  • I think of sp_BlitzPace

  • Asam Muhammad
    June 23, 2016 7:49 am

    sp_HealthCheck
    or sp_DBHealthCheck

  • Susan Smallwood
    June 23, 2016 7:55 am

    sp_BlitzGuru speaks for itself. Everyone (well, I think most everyone) knows what a guru is. It describes the function without being too stern or serious. It’s clear, concise and light-hearted, much like the tone of your writing, Brent.

  • Frits van Ruyven
    June 23, 2016 8:28 am

    Why change it? As sp_AskBrent it is well known and has a great reputation (maybe it took years to build that). And also there is nothing wrong with the lighter side of it (ask a question).

    Also it gives Brent the credits he deserves.

    • From BO…”Cute, but now that it’s open source, it’s time to give it a name that matches the important stuff it does”.

  • sp_AskMe

  • Simply sp_BlitzSQL, then Erik can add his sp_BlitzOracle

  • David Toppenberg
    June 23, 2016 10:11 am

    sp_BlitzWhereITHurtz

    or

    sp_BlitzThePain

  • Rick Obsitnik
    June 23, 2016 11:28 am

    I agree with Jeff Moden, sp_AskBrent is a well known brand in our community – unless you want to change it like Coke: sp_NewAskBrent 😛 Why change something that ain’t broke?

  • Buck the status quo and move into the present, and away from “dbo.sp_” anything…. create a BLITZ schema and use descriptive names…
    blitz.ask
    blitz.trace
    blitz.index
    blitz.cache
    blitz.ssrs

    Whoa, I must be crazy.

  • After the UK’s Brexit vote…. it can only be;
    sp_Brentxit !

    ;0)

  • Hi Brent How about
    sp_Triage Short 🙂

  • Tara’s BlitzNow seems a good idea to me 🙂

  • Phil Reynolds
    June 24, 2016 7:51 am

    I unashamedly admit I am a random person that agrees with Tara’s suggestion of sp_BlitzNow…!

  • sp_BlitzNow or
    sp_Fixer or
    sp_ZoneBlitz or
    sp_BlitzThemAll or
    sp_Magic or
    sp_CrystalBall or
    sp_BlitzER (read it as “Blitz E/R” or “Blitzer” – either way it works)

  • Tony Fountain
    June 24, 2016 1:27 pm

    [sp_sho’nuff] – “Come on, Leroy. Teach me something.”

    Yes, I dated myself!

  • Jefferson Elias
    June 27, 2016 2:10 am

    sp_BlitzActivity

  • Too late for the vote, but here goes:

    sp_FirstAid
    sp_FirstResponder
    sp_Code3

  • sp_Brentalyzer

    It prevents DWIs – Databasing While Idiotic

  • Woody Torres
    June 27, 2016 11:45 am

    How about…
    sp_Brentinator

    …he’ll be back.

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