You Captioned This Pic and Won Free Stuff.

Humor
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Last week, over 600 of y’all captioned this picture, and we had a lot of laughs:

Brent Ozar Feels

My favorite caption overall was from Aart Bluestoke, who won a Live Class Season Pass for this:

Is that a date I see in that varchar column?

The funniest part to me was that I’ve had that exact experience several times with several different data type combinations, and I think I’ve made that same face every time. The worst one involved storing the same GUIDs in several tables in different data types each time – as in, CustomerID was a GUID in the Customers table, VARCHAR in the Orders table, and NVARCHAR in the Payments table, and we had implicit conversions all over the place every time we joined on anything. <sigh> We couldn’t just fix the tables, either, because stored procedure parameters also seemed to be chosen at random.

Ten Runners-Up

The below runners-up got both a Recorded Class Season Pass: Mastering Classes and Recorded Class Season Pass: Fundamentals Classes:

“HELLO BRENT! PLEASE UPLOAD YOUR MASTERCLASS VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE SO I CAN DOWNLOAD THEM FOR FREE!!” – Dready

Can you help me move? – Jodi F

Day 37. The northern lights just won’t quit. Trying squinting. – Bill Sanscrainte

Oh you want help with your specific problem in the middle of this webinar that hundreds of people are attending? – Andrew Boggs

LinkedIn message: “Dear Brent – In these uncertain times, the only certainty is that the role of the DBA is becoming obsolete. Protect your future today, and enroll in NoSQL for beginners.” – James McGillivray

Microsoft’s newest CU release notes: “bug fixes and performance improvements” – Steve H

The look when you see a busload of tourists have arrived at the Blue Lagoon just before you. – Greg Burnett (Brent says: especially funny because I’m going there next week, hahaha.)

You’re available for emergencies while you’re in Cabo, right? – Kelley Pribil

You think I have a lane…? – Justin Bird

Live footage from Reykjavik as the legal team representing Mr. C. Lippy formally issue defamation of character papers against Mr. B. Ozar as the ‘SQL Server Tuning Wars’ reaches a new low. – David

Nine Honorable Mentions

The below honorable mentions got a Recorded Class Season Pass: Fundamentals Classes:

Can I borrow the keys to the Porshe? I’ll be right back I promise! – Kevin McDonnell

I love the smell of unused indexes in the morning. – Joe Webb

Psyllium husk fiber capsules kick in. – Jason F (Brent says: bonus points for inside joke – no, not that kind of inside – although yes, also that kind of inside)

It’s as fast as it can be, I created all the recommended indexes. – Shaun Simon

They only use lowercase to keep their databases small. – Chris

Grumpy Cat Moves to Iceland – Phillip Griffith

“Don’t worry I used NOLOCK” – Stu H.

It’s called “Hákarl” – David Lafayette

Brent, *sigh*, you broke the build…again. – Richie Rump

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