I don’t usually get involved with issues like this, but I think it’s time I step in to help.
Your SQL Server environment is a disaster. There’s data spilling out all over the place. Users are writing bad queries, developers are throwing triggers in all over the place, and your BI team is about to give every mid-level manager a PowerPivot spreadsheet with umpteen gazillion rows in it.
The KILL command in T-SQL just isn’t getting the job done, so I’m working with Microsoft to implement a new command: TOPKILL.
Q: What does it do? A: It puts a stop to runaway queries that are destroying your environment.
Q: How does it work? A: By using dirty reads.
Q: Why doesn’t anything change when I run it? A: You have to wait two days to see results.
Q: Aren’t you the guy who wrote the JUNKSHOT command? A: This one will be better. Promise.
8 Comments. Leave new
Does it have any parameters that have to be supplied?
Good question. I’m not sure, because I’ve never tried it at this depth before.
This is something I will be needing. Do you know when the release date is for TOPKILL?
This is the second command I have been waiting for. Gail working MS provided us all with DBCC TIMEWARP that has 137 parameters. It is very useful in lots of cases.
Thanks for working with MS to give us this useful command.
That’s not funny, this is a SERIOUS, uh….okay, actually that was pretty funny…
It changes the SA password to BP
Rumor has it there is a top secret command they are working on DBCC Chernobyl It is for disgruntled DBA’s and melts down the SQLOS.
For the love of all that is good and decent, why didn’t they listen to all the DBAs who warned them it would break?!?!??
It loses some of the humor in Louisiana.