Somebody created a Halloween monster #SQLputdowns

I think Tim Ford aka SQLAgentMan was the first with this, but now it’s turned into a monster.  On Twitter, we’re trading SQL putdowns.  You can find ‘em on search.twitter.com by searching for #SQLputdowns.

Update – Jason Massie aka StatisticsIO even did a Captain Varchar(MAX) comic about the #SQLputdowns, and there’s some funnies in the comments.

Update #2 – the day’s winding down but this meme is still going strong, and here’s my personal favorites from the chatter:

• Yo mama so dumb she separates statements with STOP. – JCumberland
• Yo mamma so ugly the server spontaneously runs an ALTER VIEW whenever she logs in. – Flagster
• Yo momma’s so dumb, she thought SET NO COUNT ON would protect her from Dracula. – abnormalus
• Yo momma’s so ugly, ain’t nobody got her connection string. – abnormalus
• Yo mama ain’t gettin an inner join without a tic-tac! – LeeBrandt
• Yo’ mamma’s so dumb she thinks SELECT * (star) is the next big reality game show. – ArcaneCode
• Yo momma’s so ugly even the full text search engine refuses to find her. – ArcaneCode
• Yo momma’s so dumb she thinks that a CHECK CONSTRAINT is why she has to pay cash at the Piggly Wiggly store – Joey96
• Yo momma’s so dumb she bought your dad autogrow instead of viagra – DPenton
• Yo momma’s feet so big, her shoe size is MAX – DamonRipper
• Yo momma’s so ugly, she breaks database mirrors – debettap
• Your momma must be an OLTP system, cause she’s getting inserts all the time! – whatduh
• You momma’s so fat she has her OWN datatype. – SQLCraftsman
• You momma is a few nodes short of a B-Tree – SQLCraftsman
• Yo mamma is so freaking that we had to put her in single user mode. – StatisticsIO
• yo mamma is so dumb, she thinks foriegn keys involve immigration – carpdeus
• Yo momma so fat, we set her clothes to autogrow – KBrianKelley
• Yo mamma wears sp_depends – JoeWebb

All over the country, DBAs are chuckling to themselves….

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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