Brent Ozar – SQL Server DBA

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Somebody created a Halloween monster #SQLputdowns

I think Tim Ford aka SQLAgentMan was the first with this, but now it’s turned into a monster. On Twitter, we’re trading SQL putdowns. You can find ‘em on search.twitter.com by searching for #SQLputdowns.

Update – Jason Massie aka StatisticsIO even did a Captain Varchar(MAX) comic about the #SQLputdowns, and there’s some funnies in the comments.

Update #2 – the day’s winding down but this meme is still going strong, and here’s my personal favorites from the chatter:

Yo mama so dumb she separates statements with STOP. – JCumberland
Yo mamma so ugly the server spontaneously runs an ALTER VIEW whenever she logs in. – Flagster
Yo momma’s so dumb, she thought SET NO COUNT ON would protect her from Dracula. – abnormalus
Yo momma’s so ugly, ain’t nobody got her connection string. – abnormalus
Yo mama ain’t gettin an inner join without a tic-tac! – LeeBrandt
Yo’ mamma’s so dumb she thinks SELECT * (star) is the next big reality game show. – ArcaneCode
Yo momma’s so ugly even the full text search engine refuses to find her. – ArcaneCode
Yo momma’s so dumb she thinks that a CHECK CONSTRAINT is why she has to pay cash at the Piggly Wiggly store – Joey96
Yo momma’s so dumb she bought your dad autogrow instead of viagra – DPenton
Yo momma’s feet so big, her shoe size is MAX – DamonRipper
Yo momma’s so ugly, she breaks database mirrors – debettap
Your momma must be an OLTP system, cause she’s getting inserts all the time! – whatduh
You momma’s so fat she has her OWN datatype. – SQLCraftsman
You momma is a few nodes short of a B-Tree – SQLCraftsman
Yo mamma is so freaking that we had to put her in single user mode. – StatisticsIO
yo mamma is so dumb, she thinks foriegn keys involve immigration – carpdeus
Yo momma so fat, we set her clothes to autogrow – KBrianKelley
Yo mamma wears sp_depends – JoeWebb

All over the country, DBAs are chuckling to themselves….

5 comments to Somebody created a Halloween monster #SQLputdowns

When DBA’s go Bad « Chris Shaw’s Weblog

November 1st, 2008 at 1:00 AM · Reply

[...] http://www.brentozar.com/archive/2008/10/somebody-created-a-halloween-monster-sqlputdowns/ [...]
Chris Shaw

November 1st, 2008 at 1:03 AM · Reply

Thanks these were great.

I could not help my self I had to add some of my own.

http://chrisshaw.wordpress.com/
The unknown DBA

January 21st, 2009 at 6:49 PM · Reply

Your mommas so fat, she had to be HORIZONTALLY POSITIONED!
The Unknown DBA

January 21st, 2009 at 6:50 PM · Reply

Your mommas so fat, she had to be HORIZONTALLY PARTITIONED!
(spelling mistake in last post)
- Brent Ozar
  
  January 21st, 2009 at 6:52 PM · Reply
  
  HAHAHA, no wonder. I read that first one and I went, uh, what?

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