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I know, I just told you guys that I got all settled in at Quest and I’m loving it and everything, but I just had the most unbelievable offer come in. It just came out of nowhere straight into my email, and what can I say – I just can’t pass it up. It’s perfect for my background.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so with no further ado, here’s the email itself:

Look out, Zohan.  A former SQL Server DBA makes an even better hairstylist.  They said it themselves – I’m the perfect candidate.  Hooah!

One of my articles just got posted up at SearchSQLServer. I cover some of the pros and cons of backing up data warehouses with SAN snapshots.

I wrote that just after we got done with a NetApp deployment at Southern Wine. The funny part is that we deployed the QA environment pretty quickly, but months after I’ve left, they still haven’t moved the production warehouse over to the NetApp. I should have borrowed that set of drives until they were ready to go live, heh.

Update as of 6/3 – I originally wrote that article for SearchSQLServer.com.  I didn’t see the article appear there for a while, and when it popped up on SSWUG, I assumed SearchSQLServer had transferred it over to SSWUG.  Turns out that’s not the case.  We’re working through the details of that now.

This isn’t the first time one of my articles has been “pirated” – used to happen to me when I wrote for HAL-PC – but this is the first time it’s happened with an article I actually got paid to write.  Next thing you know, I’m going to need an agent.  Or maybe not.

I moved my gear into my desk at Caroline Collective today – well, actually, it was more of a buy-and-move. Most of this stuff is a new copy of the gear I use at home.

The grand opening will be Saturday, June 7th from 7pm til 10pm. The invite reads as follows:

“We are (collectively) happy to announce the Grand Opening of the Caroline Collective, Houston’s first coworking venue! Please join us Saturday, June 7th from 7-10pm at the home of Caroline Collective for drinks, light refreshments and heavy celebration. The event will be co-hosted with ArtStorm featuring collage artist Patrick Turk and the esteemed tenants of Caroline. Your attendance is not only appreciated, it’s needed. After all, it’s about all of us. Tasty hops provided by Houston’s own Saint Arnold Brewery and delectable dishes by chef David Grossman.”

Caroline’s at 4820 Caroline Street, 77004 with easy access from the Wheeler stop on light rail. Parking is available. I’ll be there, so if you’re interested in meeting a strangely outgoing SQL Server guy from Quest Software, c’mon down.

This is also the same night as the Ladytron concert, for which I hold two tickets.  The concert starts at 9pm – the jury’s still out as to whether or not Erika and I will leave the CC grand opening for the concert.  If I’m debating tossing a pair of Ladytron tickets to stay here, then you know it’s going to be a good party.

Junior DBAs, warm up your printers. The Microsoft SQL Customer Advisory Team, aka SQLCAT, has published a flowchart explaining how to troubleshoot performance issues with SQL Server. This is by far the best visual representation I’ve seen into how a senior DBA’s brain works:

SQL Customer Advisory Team’s Troubleshooting SQL Server 2005/2008 Performance and Scalability Flowchart

And just think – the rest of us had to learn this stuff the hard way – by reading manuals!

Yesterday afternoon, I stopped by the Caroline Collective and signed a lease on my very own desk.  Sounds odd to lease a desk, eh?  Especially sight unseen – there’s no actual desks in the space, just a big empty room with concrete floors, white & blue walls, and fluorescent lights dangling from a low ceiling.

Matt & Ned nervously showed me their prototype wood desk, and I could tell they weren’t sure whether or not I was going to “get” it.  One of them said something about how the desk would be finished off, and I had to laugh.  Finishing anything off isn’t the point.  It’s not that coworking needs to be unpolished, but the finish on the desks doesn’t matter.  Although, I do have to confess that I cringed when I read Ned’s Twitter about Knoll furniture – I thought to myself, please, God, don’t go buying high-end office furniture this early in the game.  I love modern stuff like that, but damn, it’s expensive for a startup business.  Anyway, I was relieved to see the desks were inexpensive but well-crafted wood jobs instead.

I get the whole coworking thing, especially as somebody who telecommuted for five years, but I bet most people aren’t going to foresee it until the desks and the personalities go in.  The factor that makes coworking tick is the chemistry – the unique mix of people from different backgrounds, different companies (or no company at all), the laid-back informal discussions that don’t come from meetings organized on a calendar.

When the people are in, when the artists are slinging paint, when the beer is in the fridge, when the desks are filled haphazardly with relics of different careers, that’s when people will get it, and it’ll happen like wildfire in a city like Houston.

And you’ll wish you’d have signed a lease on a desk while they were still available.  Trust me.

I’m testing the new builds of LiteSpeed and Toad.  I’m not to the point where I’m using my L337 SQL skillz yet because I take a very basic ground-level approach to testing.

I go through an entire program and click on every menu item.

Everywhere that it lets me add something, I add it, and then I go back and edit that something to see if it looks the same as what I added.  Then I delete it.

That’s all.

Sounds simple, but it takes days, and it finds a surprising number of bugs.  You would not believe the number of things that cause a program to crash just by clicking on them.  I’ve done these tests with developers in the same room, and they say things like, “Why on earth would you click there?”  Well, because you put a button there, and somebody’s going to click it.  If it’s not supposed to be clicked, get it off the screen.

In a week or two, I’ll get to the point where I’m testing advanced concepts inside the software, but for now, it’s Click City.

The other benefit of this approach is that you learn just about every piece of the software, every nook and cranny.  In the case of Toad, it’s mind-blowing.  I thought it was just a SQL Server development tool, and I don’t believe in unitaskers, but oh no – this is one serious multitasker.  I can see many Toad-centric howto blog posts in my future.

When DBAs ask where to go for simple, straightforward SQL Server tips, I usually point them to SQL-Server-Performance.com.  That site puts out a fantastic daily newsletter with SQL notes, questions & answers, and general tips.

I’m not wild about daily email newsletters, but this one’s a gem.  It’s gotten even better since Peter Wardy started putting a personal editorial at the top of each issue.  Here’s the one from today:

“I was tasked to buy a mattress under blanket for a bed today and who would have thought that the process would be so complicated. I thought it would be as simple as choosing the correct size—king or queen. Little did I know that the decisions were endless; from summer and winter mattress protectors to underlay blankets with wool and magnetic touch zones and prices that ranged from $60 to over $800. When I think about the purchase decision of an under blanket it is very similar to an open source database.

When I went to the shop today all I wanted was an under blanket that would protect the mattress, keep me warm and provide some comfort. Whether that was a cotton one or a wool blend with a high pile did not worry me, I just wanted something that worked. When I choose a database it is the same as an under blanket, I want a database where I do not need to make decisions about which database engine I want to use. I want an engine that works no matter what my requirements rather than having to choose a different engine if I want transactions or a different engine again if I want Foreign Key constraints. I think one of the key benefits of SQL Server is that the behaviour is typically the same whether a single user is running Express Edition or a multinational corporation is running Enterprise Edition.” – Peter Wardy

The only things that would make this newsletter better are searchable online archives and an easier-to-find subscription link.  I can help out with that last one:

Subscribe to the SQL-Server-Performance.com Newsletter

On my trip to DC this week, I ran across a couple of Nintendo Wiis in stock at Target.  For those of you who don’t follow video games, the Nintendo Wii is a notoriously hard-to-find game system.  It’s been out for months, but you still can’t walk into a store and just buy one.  Prospective customers learn through the grapevine when new shipments of Wiis will be delivered at local stores, and then patiently wait outside before the store opens in the hope that they’ll snag one.  Some are bought just to make a profit – people resell them on Craigslist for $0-$200 more than their $250 sticker price.

The Wii’s selling point is the motion-sensing remote control.  When playing the baseball game that comes with the Wii, you don’t push a series of buttons to swing when the baseball comes at you.  Instead, you simply hold the remote control like a bat, and swing it.  The better your swing, the better you hit the ball inside the game.  Same with tennis: hold the controller like a tennis racket and put topspin on the ball, and presto, the virtual ball spins.  It’s pretty impressive, and it’s playable by young and old alike.  As long as you can wave the controller around, you can play.

This simple, intuitive control system makes the Wii a smash hit at parties.  Anybody can grab the controller and play tennis, baseball, golf, whatever.  No skills required.  I’ve been wanting to throw myself a welcome-to-Houston party to get back in touch with our Texas friends, and I thought the Wii would be a great icebreaker.  I’m not into video games – I haven’t owned a console in years – but when I saw the Wii in stock, I had to get it.

Then I started thinking – why not take it to Emily’s house and show it to her 4-year-old stepson?  When we arrived, he had a friend over, and his friend recognized the Wii with wide eyes.  They got all excited, and I had a great time watching them jumping around the living room swinging at virtual baseballs, swinging virtual golf clubs, and rolling virtual bowling balls.  The other kid’s mom came over and went, “Wow, you have a Wii?  How’d you get it?”  She’d been dying to get one for her three kids.

It took me back to my childhood when one of our neighbors, Foster Cuthoff, had the coolest video game system on the block.  We’d all go over to his basement and play Contra for hours and hours.  Everybody thought it was so cool, and we would get all antsy over who would play next.

And then it happened.  My feeble mind connected the dots, and I realized I’m the wrong owner for that Wii.  It made so much more sense for Em to have it.  I’d only dabble with it every now and then at parties, because to me games aren’t really any fun unless they’re shared.  So, I gave it to Em.  Her stepson was so excited that Em says he’s still going around saying how much he loves me.

Awesome.  If that’s not success, I don’t know what is.  Granted, I didn’t save anybody’s life or anything, but it’s a hell of a good feeling.

My blog has been quiet the last few days because I’ve been in Washington DC visiting my Mom and my sister Emily.  I wanted to sneak in a quick visit between jobs.  I took the opportunity to redo both of their wireless networks and achieved a 0% success rate – I had to get two new wireless routers for different reasons.  As a reuslt, I haven’t had much connectivity, so no blogs for you.

Today, I’m flying to California to start work at Quest.  I’ve got my laptop cellular card all rigged up, got my camera charged up, and got my game face on.  Expect mucho bloggo.

I have a new job, and lemme just tell you, it feels like my whole career has prepared me for this one.

I spent several years at UniFocus, a hospitality software company that relied on SQL Server. I honed my SQL skills, but probably more importantly, I managed a small team of programmers. I worked with executives to find out what they wanted to build, and then I turned those visions into reality with the help of a fantastic team. I worked under tight budget and time constraints, and I knew firsthand the importance of getting software shipped in the best shape possible.

During that time, I became more and more interested in the art of industrial design. I love beautiful software and hardware, especially things that make my job as easy as possible. I bought a microwave that only had two buttons (add a minute and stop) simply because it had such an elegant user interface. When Erika and I visited New York City, the first museum I wanted to see was the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum. I really appreciate the art of good design, and working for a software company, I tried to implement good visual and workflow design wherever possible. I wanted to build stuff that people could use without a manual, stuff that would make people say, “Of course, how else could it possibly work?”

After UniFocus, I moved to Southern Wine & Spirits, a seven billion dollar wholesale & distribution company. I faced the database challenges of a large enterprise like dealing with armies of consultants, planning for disaster recovery, multi-terabyte data warehouse maintenance, implementing storage area networks and building whole infrastructures from the ground up. After Southern, I felt perfectly comfortable saying I was a Senior DBA, and not just because I’ve got some gray hair.

In the last few years, I’ve been mesmerized by the concept of building online communities since I started beta testing Flock in 2005. Flock didn’t just have a great design that I could appreciate, it also had this buzz, this exciting feeling, and their company employees actively participated in jump-starting their online community. This was the first time I’d seen a company fervently tending to their users, building and nurturing relationships in a way that worked with the Internet’s strong points. I “got it” in a way I can’t explain, and I was so interested that I continue to follow some of the Flock community creators to this day, like Tara Hunt, Chris Messina and Will Pate, and they’ve gone on to do all kinds of exciting things.

On May 1st, I’ll leverage my SQL knowledge, my software business experience, my love of design and my community fetish when I start as a database domain expert for Quest Software.

I’m tasked with staying very technical, knowing SQL Server inside and out, knowing how Quest’s products fit in, helping to improve products and sharing my knowledge with the community.

I certainly have my work cut out for me: SQL Server expands in new directions with every release, and Quest has a big product line to fill SQL’s gaps. I’m a real believer in Quest’s ability to make a DBA more productive, more reliable and frankly, more valuable to their employer, and I haven’t even used half of their SQL Server products yet.

And probably my favorite responsibility is helping to support the SQL Server community. From the moment I got involved with Quest as a customer, they’ve proven to me time and again that they’re serious about nurturing the SQL Server community, helping their customers, and sharing the wealth of knowledge. I’m proud to be in a position where I’ll be able to contribute more to that community and represent a company that really believes in it. Just look at the list of Quest Experts like Kevin Kline and Bert Scalzo, and you can see why I’d be honored to going to work at Quest.

Working with a great line of SQL Server products, building communities around them, and interacting with impressive people – I truly have my own personal dream job.

Kinda makes you wanna break into song….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BxymuiAxQ

The new Caroline Collective space is bringing coworking to Houston, and if my job hunt works out the way I hope this week, I’ll be one of the anchor tenants.

People who telecommute can feel isolated without the fun personal interaction with creative, dynamic people.  Coworking aims to solve that by offering desks and offices to people who would otherwise be parking their laptops at coffeeshops.  I’m heartbroken since my favorite downtown coffeeshop, Kaveh Kanes, closed while I was living in Miami Beach, but it looks like the Caroline Collective will more than take its place.

I’ve already driven over to the building and checked it out from outside, but I’m excited to get over there this week and see the layout.  I’m jumping right in to grab one of the offices because I do a lot of conference calls, and I’ll probably want to stash a couple of servers over there.  Plus I just wanna decorate my office with a giant Penny Arcade mural.

Joe Webb gave a presentation on “Tips & tricks for writing better queries” for the Nashville PASS chapter, and it’s a great read.  Developers and DBAs should all read this for a clear, concise refresher.

A video of the presentation would be even better, but for the most part, the slide deck speaks for itself.  Every bullet point is well-thought out – for example, “Be mindful of widely varying parameter inputs” – it doesn’t really explain why, but believe me – he’s right.  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

When you’re building a consolidation plan, stop to think about when each database will be migrated to a newer version of SQL Server.

With SQL Server 2008 coming fast, some content owners will want to move their databases to 2008 as soon as it comes out in order to take advantage of things like the resource governor. But if you’ve consolidated multiple database servers onto one, and just one of those databases can’t be moved to 2008, then everybody has to wait!

This is especially important when dealing with third party solutions, applications written by other companies who may not have an aggressive development policy on supporting new versions of Microsoft SQL Server. Even now, in calendar year 2008, I deal with apps that still don’t support SQL Server 2005.

In any consolidation plan, try to include a “Next Step” section that addresses how quickly (or slowly) the newly consolidated databases will be moved to the next version of SQL Server.

Taken in the opposite direction, this can even be a selling point for SQL Server 2000 consolidation projects. Imagine this conversation with an application owner:

The DBA: “Bob, I’m going to consolidate your databases next month.”

Bob the Lazy Application Owner: “No.”

The DBA: “Actually, yes, I am. We’re taking all of the apps that still aren’t certified for SQL 2005, and we’re moving them to a single server. Your server’s an ancient single-core box that gives me nothing but heartache, and I’m tired of managing several of these boat anchors. I’m going to consolidate them all onto a new multi-core server that can handle all of our SQL 2000 instances, and I’ll have less management to do.”

Bob: “Will it save me time?”

The DBA: “It won’t let you play more golf during business hours, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Bob: “Then we’re not doing it.”

The DBA: “That’s a shame, seeing as your manager already signed the consolidation project charter.”

Bob: “What?!?”

The DBA: “Yep. I showed her that the total hardware maintenance on these five old 2000 servers is over $20,000 per year, especially now that they’re long discontinued. Plus this will free up four sets of SQL Server Licensing, so the consolidation project will actually pay for itself on day one.”

Bob: “Why wasn’t I told about this?”

The DBA: “Because you didn’t attend the meeting. I sent you an invite, but your secretary called me the day of the meeting and said you had an offsite meeting. I think it was the week of the PGA Tour event here in town, come to think of it.”

Bob: “Oh. Consolidation it is, then.”