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Just Say No

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The Moment We Won the War on Drugs In the 1980s, Nancy Reagan attempted to solve our nation’s drug problem by encouraging kids to “Just Say No” if they were offered drugs. According to my research performed while watching popular television shows like Burn Notice, CSI:Miami, Law & Order, and Spongebob Squarepants, it appears that…
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Nice Overalls You Got There

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6 Comments
Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays long-distance sailors from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.  Chicago-Mac race sailors stand a pretty good chance of running into bad weather, so I picked up a set of foulies. Not Pictured – Dignity Pictured here: bibs, just one part of the foul…
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YO! DBA Raps

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Now, here’s a little story I got to tell About two bad bloggers you know so well Michelle Ufford is the @SQLFool And Ward Pond, he’s a twit, but of course he’s cool She don’t have a horsey named Paul Revere But she drops mad lyrics, you can see ’em here They’re good stuff, but…
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Optimists, Pessimists and Technology People

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Pessimist: “The glass is half empty.” Optimist: “The glass is half full.” Database Administrator: “The glass is sized correctly for peak loads.” Virtualization Admin: “This person should be sharing a Dixie Cup with the guys in accounting.” Business Intelligence Admin: “How can we upsell this customer to bottled water?” Security Admin: “Whose glass is this?…
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Meeting Minutes for Trigger Design

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What would it have been like to sit in the first meeting where somebody decided to implement triggers inside a database server? … Manager: “Alright, everybody’s here, let’s get started.  First item on the agenda: how’s that self-tuning piece coming along?  It’s going to be ready for this version, right?” Developer A: “Yep, lookin’ good. …
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Somebody created a Halloween monster #SQLputdowns

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I think Tim Ford aka SQLAgentMan was the first with this, but now it’s turned into a monster.  On Twitter, we’re trading SQL putdowns.  You can find ’em on search.twitter.com by searching for #SQLputdowns. Here were my personal favorites from the chatter: Yo mama so dumb she separates statements with STOP. – JCumberland Yo mamma…
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