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Optimists, Pessimists and Technology People

April 27, 2009

Pessimist: “The glass is half empty.” Optimist: “The glass is half full.” Database Administrator: “The glass is sized correctly for peak loads.” Virtualization Admin: “This person should be sharing a Dixie Cup with the guys in accounting.” Business Intelligence Admin: “How can we upsell this customer to bottled water?” Security Admin: “Whose glass is this?…

Meeting Minutes for Trigger Design

March 3, 2009

Brent Ozar

Humor

What would it have been like to sit in the first meeting where somebody decided to implement triggers inside a database server? … Manager: “Alright, everybody’s here, let’s get started. First item on the agenda: how’s that self-tuning piece coming along? It’s going to be ready for this version, right?” Developer A: “Yep, lookin’ good. …

Somebody created a Halloween monster #SQLputdowns

October 31, 2008

Brent Ozar

Humor

I think Tim Ford aka SQLAgentMan was the first with this, but now it’s turned into a monster. On Twitter, we’re trading SQL putdowns. You can find ’em on search.twitter.com by searching for #SQLputdowns. Here were my personal favorites from the chatter: Yo mama so dumb she separates statements with STOP. – JCumberland Yo mamma…