Category Archives: Apple

Apple

Apple MacBook Air 2011 13″ Review

As I was finishing recording the Microsoft Certified Master videos last month, my beloved and well-traveled MacBook Pro started giving me fits.  It survived three very rough years on the road, encoding HD videos at home, and running multiple simultaneous heavy-load VMs.  I was really pleased that it lasted as long as it did, but I have to confess that I’ve had my eyes on a new MacBook Pro for a while.

As much as I love whipping out the plastic at the Apple Store, December 2010 was a really, really bad time to buy a new laptop.  Intel’s new Sandy Bridge processors were scheduled for release at CES in January, and that meant an all-new lineup of laptops arriving too.  Sandy Bridge CPUs were said to be 10-23% faster while using less electricity – great numbers for a laptop.

I took a deep breath and evaluated my needs:

  • One heavy-duty laptop to demo clustering – and I really wanted that to have 16GB of memory, something unavailable in Apple’s 2010 laptop lineup.
  • One backup presentation device – ever since my epic 2009 European trip disaster when my laptop failed and I had to use a Swedish-speaking netbook, I always travel with two devices capable of giving presentations.  The iPad fulfilled that role.

I was pretty happy with the iPad, but not completely.  It has a phenomenal 8-12 hour battery life, keeps me occupied on airplanes with movies & games, and shows PowerPoint slides.  Well, that’s not entirely true, because it doesn’t import all PowerPoint features perfectly.  Custom fonts, SmartArt, and animations don’t always work, and I hated having to make excuses for imperfections in my slide decks.  (Other than the factual errors, which everybody expects from me anyway.)

Suddenly the light went off – what if I bought a new MacBook Air to be my backup presentation device?  It could run the real PowerPoint, displaying my slides in all their font-perfect glory.  Sure, it would suck as a primary laptop due to its limited CPU power, memory, and storage space, but as a backup presentation device, it made pretty good sense.

Choosing Between the 11″ and 13″ Air (2011 Model)

The 13″ has faster available processors, longer battery life, and an SD card slot, but for me, the decision point boiled down to this:

  • 11″ – sexy, but maxes out at 128GB of storage
  • 13″ – conventional laptop footprint, 256GB of storage

The drive space is especially important because the Air uses a new format of SSD drive that isn’t available to consumers yet.  It’s technically end-user-replaceable, but you just can’t buy a replacement off the shelf yet, so love the one you’re with.  For me, that made the 128GB drive a deal-breaker because I wanted to sync my complete home directory with all my client documents, presentations, and music.  I didn’t want to hassle with picking a subset of data to sync.

One of the cool things about replacing Apple gear is the Time Machine backup system.  You simply boot up your new Mac at home, and it asks if you’d like to transfer data from an existing Time Machine backup.  I use an Apple Time Capsule for my backups, and the Air detected it automatically and asked which of my Macs I was replacing with the Air.  I picked my old MacBook Pro, and a few hours later, it was just as if my old laptop had been transformed into an Air.  OSX backups include all of your applications, settings, documents, you name it.

Sort of.

The problem with replacing your main machine with an Air is that the Air probably doesn’t have enough hard drive space to accommodate your years of junk.  Before I did the Time Capsule boogie, I did some strategic drive planning.

How I Store Stuff on the Air

Before the Air, I had a simple strategy – all my stuff went on the laptop’s internal drive except virtual machines.  I stored my VMs on an external hard drive.  My old MBP had a 750GB internal drive with around 400GB used, and I needed to identify the drive space hogs.

GrandPerspective Drive Map

GrandPerspective Drive Map

I fired up GrandPerspective, a free tool that scans your hard drive and builds a graph of the big files and directories.  It’s easy to move your mouse around over the map and figure out which paths and files are sucking up too much space.  I made a few quick passes, deleting stuff I didn’t need anymore, and suddenly my entire drive was down to just about 300GB used.  I got excited – what if I could actually use my MacBook Air as my primary machine?  Unfortunately, one big thing kept me from squeaking under the 256GB border: my iPhoto library, already over 100GB and growing daily.

After a lot of sighs – really, just 256GB, Apple? – here’s how I decided to carve up my storage:

Internal 256GB SSD drive – my documents, music, and my most commonly used virtual machine.  I run one VM with SQL Server 2008 R2 for most of my demos and client work.

USB 1TB drive – my iPhoto library, movies, virtual machines, and downloaded software.  The drive has four folders:

  • \Backed Up and \Not Backed Up – almost everything goes into subfolders of these.  For example, my downloaded Microsoft software goes to \Not Backed Up\Software because I can always re-download it from MSDN, but software I buy online goes into \Backed Up\Software.
  • \iMovie Events and \iMovie Projects – I’m futzing with iMovie to produce a HD podcast on the cheap, and that means lots and lots of big video files.  I don’t want those on the solid state drive, so I put them on the external, but iMovie won’t allow you to pick a specific FOLDER to store your videos – only a drive.  Ideally I’d put these in \Backed Up, but I’m sure Apple knows better about this sort of thing than I do. </sarcasm>

I use the built-in Time Machine software for backups, and by default, Time Machine doesn’t back up external USB drives.  It implements that by adding an entry in the exclusions list for the root of each USB drive.  I removed the exclusion for my 1TB USB drive, then added an exclusion for its \Not Backed Up folder.  That way my \Backed Up and iMovie folders automatically find their way to my Time Capsule.  (Yes, the Time Capsule is overpriced, but it matches my computing lifestyle: I’m willing to pay more if things get easier so I can focus on what I love to do.)

SD cards stick out

SD cards stick out

My storage design means I can’t use iMovie or iPhoto if I’m on the road without my USB drive.  Not a showstopper for me, since I use an Eye-Fi SD card anyway, which automatically uploads my photos to Flickr or Facebook.  However, it’s a little annoying when I plug in my iPhone – OS X asks what iPhoto library I’d like to use because my USB drive isn’t plugged in.

Mini-review of the Eye-Fi SD card: As long as I’m mentioning it, everybody should own an Eye-Fi Explore.  It’s a $90 SD card with built-in geotagging (marking your photos with physical locations), WiFi, plus hotspot access.  Your friends and family at home can follow along with your adventures without you having to drag a computer around to upload stuff.  It’ll even selectively upload only the pictures you choose (handled by your camera’s lock-image function – if it’s locked, it gets uploaded).  Even if all your pictures are taken at home, you’ll appreciate the Eye-Fi’s automatic uploading of pictures to your desktop computer – my photos automatically go straight into iPhoto as soon as my camera is turned on within wireless range of my Mac.  I can configure the Eye-Fi to tweet, post FaceBook messages, or send emails whenever new photos go out, so my friends & family can see what I’ve been up to.  Topping things off, the Eye-Fi has an “unlimited memory” setting: when your card hits 80% used, it starts deleting images that have already been uploaded to your computer.  Your friends and relatives who hate computers will love this card because it’s automagical.  (Your friends who take dirty pictures, however, should think twice.)  $90.  Just do it.

Now back to the laptop.  The Air has an SD card slot, and while 32GB SD cards have gotten pretty cheap, I wouldn’t recommend using those as a full-time storage device.  The Air’s SD card slot isn’t full depth – cards stick out of the side – and the klutz in me would break that pretty quickly.  I do use a 32GB SD card to back up my primary demo VM because it’s just so darned convenient.  I leave the postage-stamp size card in my laptop bag as insurance against demo disasters.

My kind of brick

Now THAT is the right size for a laptop power supply.

What I Like About the 2011 Air

When I want to work at a cafe, I grab the Air and go.  No charger (not that the charger is bulky, either), no cables, and most of the time, I don’t even put the Air into a case.  I just walk out the door with it under my arm because the one-piece aluminum body is rock freakin’ solid.  The battery life is astounding for such a lightweight device, and the best way I can explain it is to say that I don’t care about battery life anymore.  The Air’s battery can outlast my ability to work at a cafe, period.  I’ve ordered coffee at 7AM, worked until 1-2PM, and still had battery life left.  Anandtech said it best in their Air review:

“The 11-inch Air delivers nearly 7 hours on a single charge and the 13-inch managed 11.2 hours. For a writer, you can’t do better than this.”

As an IT professional, though, we need more than web browsers and Word, and that’s where virtualization comes in.  With just 4GB of memory, I can’t do complicated clustering demos on the Air, but for a single virtual machine running SQL Server 2008R2 and my array of utilities, it’s perfectly fine.

What I like the most, though, is the speed.  The Air uses an ancient CPU, but the solid state drive and the OS optimizations make it feel blazing fast.  Close the lid and it sleeps instantly – then open the lid again, and you’re working within two seconds.  Tell it to shut down, and the screen’s dark within three seconds.  Coming from my three-year-old MacBook Pro with a spinning hard drive, the Air is an upgrade.  Sitting next to Paul Randal’s brand-new $6,000 laptop running Windows, the Air still seems faster at basic tasks – I shake my head while I watch him power down.  “I just need another few seconds, it’s almost there…”

What I Meh About the 2011 Air

To get to this tiny form factor, Apple stripped out a couple of features that Apple veterans loved: FireWire and a backlit keyboard.  I miss the backlit keyboard when I’m working on dark flights.  I miss FireWire every time I do a videoconference because I used to use a real camcorder plugged in via FireWire.  The built-in iSight camera isn’t bad, but it doesn’t hold a candle to a real camcorder.  (Those of you who think your HD webcam is good should check out the results of even a $250 consumer-level camcorder with FireWire out – the camcorder’s low-light handling is much, much better.)

I thought the lack of integrated 3G wireless would bother me, because that seamless connectivity is one of the things I love about my iPad.  It hasn’t been an issue because the Air pairs over Bluetooth with my iPhone whenever I can’t get WiFi coverage.  That does deplete battery life quicker on both the phone and the laptop, though, so it’s not ideal.

High definition Flash videos make the fan kick on.  Most PC users I know don’t notice this because their computer fan always runs anyway, but on a completely silent Air with a solid state drive, even the slightest noise stands out.  This isn’t really a problem with the Air as much as it is a problem with Adobe’s craptastic programming, but it bears mentioning.  The Air can still play 1080p videos without stuttering.

Okay, let’s get to the elephant in the room – money.  The total purchase price including AppleCare and a few video adapter cables rang up a little over $2,300.  That is one hell of a lot of money for a backup presentation device, and it’s the most I’ve ever spent on a laptop.  (My prior laptops have all been company machines or gifts.)  It’s pretty much the cost I would expect to spend on a very nice primary laptop, which brings me to…

My Workspace 2011

My Workspace 2011

What Surprised Me About the MacBook Air

1. It’s become my only laptop.

With my trusty $320 28″ monitor, my old-school Microsoft Natural Keyboard, and my Magic Mouse, I work on this thing all day long and it rarely crosses my mind that this is an ultralight laptop.  Even the new Sandy Bridge laptops haven’t tempted me at all, and I can see using the Air as my only laptop for the next couple of years.  Now I just have to figure out portable demos for clustering & virtualization – right now, I’m leaning toward cloud-based solutions.

2. It’s almost replaced my iPad.

I loved my iPad for its light weight, more-than-good-enough speed, and long battery life.  It’s such a pleasure to use that I found myself trying to figure out how to make it my primary travel device, but the iOS apps just aren’t there yet.  The Air sacrifices some of the iPad’s strengths – it’s a little heavier, and the battery life isn’t quite as good – but adds in all the application goodness of a real laptop.

If you’re considering an iPad with 3G, go take a MacBook Air for a spin.  You were probably going to spend $899 on the 64GB iPad, and for just $70 more, you can get the MacBook Air 11″.

Just be careful.

Once you take a sip of the OS X Kool-Aid, you’ll never be the same.

Wanna learn more? Read my post about How To Buy Your First Mac.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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Giving Away 10 Apple iPads and Red Gate SQL Monitor!

You need to relax and get out more.

We SQL Server DBAs are constantly checking that cell phone, worried about that email from a user saying, “The server is borked.”  When it comes in, we drop everything, run to the nearest laptop, and try to figure out just how bad things are and if they’ve gone back to normal.

You’ll be more relaxed on the weekends if you can do these two things:

  • Find out before the users find out
  • Be able to check health from anywhere

There’s a web app for that – Red Gate SQL Monitor.  It sends you emails when things start to go pear-shaped, and then you can whip out your trusty iPad to check your server’s health and stats from anywhere.  You can see it live now by going to http://monitor.red-gate.com, which shows SQLServerCentral’s database servers.  (You don’t have to log in, but of course you’d use the built-in username/password security for your own SQL Monitor web site.)  A few screenshots:

Red Gate SQL Monitor Dashboard

Red Gate SQL Monitor Dashboard

Host Machine Stats

Host Machine Stats

SQL Server Instance Statistics

SQL Server Instance Statistics

SQL Server Error Log

SQL Server Error Log

All from your iPad, anytime you’re within range of WiFi or a 3G cellular signal.  You can stop worrying about what your server’s doing, and start being present with your family, your friends, and your hobbies.

What’s that?  You don’t have an iPad?

Red Gate wants to fix that.  They’re giving away 30 prize packages, each with a 16GB 3G iPad and a license to Red Gate SQL Monitor!  I got 10 to give away, Steve Jones is giving away 10, and Grant Fritchey is giving away 10, but you can only enter in one of our contests.  To enter for mine, all you have to do is post a blog comment below and tell me where you’d go if you didn’t have to worry about what your servers are doing.  The deadline for entry is Friday, December 17th, 2010, and then we’ll pick 10 random lucky winners to be announced on Monday, December 20th, 2010.  (And if you win, you owe me a picture of yourself monitoring your SQL Servers with your new iPad!)

Here’s the fine print:

  1. The contest is open to professionals with SQL Server monitoring responsibility. Entrants must be 18 years old or over.
  2. Entries must be received by Friday, December 17, 2010. The contest organizers accept no responsibility for corrupted or delayed entries.
  3. Employees of Red Gate, the contest organizers and their family members are not eligible to participate in the contest.
  4. Entries are limited to one per person across the three simultaneous contests hosted on www.SQLServerCentral.com, www.BrentOzar.com, and www.ScaryDBA.com.
  5. The organizers reserve the right, within their sole discretion, to disqualify nominations.
  6. The organizers’ decisions are final.
  7. Red Gate Software and those involved in the organization, promotion, and operation of the contest and in the awarding of prizes explicitly make no representations or warranties whatsoever as to the quality, suitability, merchantability, or fitness for a particular purpose of the prizes awarded and they hereby disclaim all liability for any loss or damage of any kind, including personal injury, suffered while participating in the contest or utilizing any prizes awarded.

So whatcha waiting for?  Leave a comment for your chance to win or check out the contests on Steve Jones’ blog and Grant Fritchey’s blog!

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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My Favorite iPad Apps and Cases

These days, I find myself using my iPad more and more as my main computing device on the road.  Some recent OS & app updates brought some killer improvements that have let me leave my laptop at home more often.  Here’s my favorites these days:

Be social with the Twitter app – The official Twitter app runs in the background, and whenever you’re mentioned in a tweet or you get a direct message, a notification pops up.  Just like a full-blown laptop, you can switch over to Twitter, reply, and then switch back over to your app, right where you left off.  This was the biggest thing I was missing at conferences – I wanted to take notes or work on my blog, but get alerted when someone asked me a question on Twitter.

Give better presentations with Apple Keynote – This is the Apple equivalent of PowerPoint.  It opens PowerPoint files, and when combined with the VGA dongle, it can display PowerPoint slides on a projector.  Just like PowerPoint’s presenter view, you get a presenter view on your iPad too!  There’s two serious drawbacks.  First, writing slide decks from scratch in Keynote on an iPad is hell, and second, while the VGA dongle is plugged in, you can’t plug in the charger.  This isn’t a dealbreaker given the iPad’s excellent battery life (usually 8-10 hours), but it’s a bummer.  At conferences, I spend most of my time running around like a SQLChicken with my head cut off, but I present for at least an hour a day.  That would be the perfect time for me to plug in and recharge the iPad, but no dice.

Booq Push iPad Case

Booq Push iPad Case

Read everything with GoodReader – this file viewer on steroids lets you read PDFs, Office documents, and much more, plus syncs with a file server, cloud server, FTP server, and even Google Docs!  I keep all my reference material with me on the road so I can answer questions faster.

Sync thoughts with Elements – I’m old school, and I keep all my notes in text files.  I use Elements as a text editor on my iPad, and it automatically syncs all my text files across my phone, laptops, and iPads via Dropbox, a free cloud file share service.  Elements does one thing, and it does it extremely well.

Manage my blog with WordPress – the best blogging platform has an app for writing posts, doing quick fixes on the road, and moderating & responding to comments.  It works on both iPads and iPhones, by the way.

My favorite other apps for traveling – I use Night Stand HD as a beautiful alarm clock while my iPad or iPhone is plugged in (and it never locks the screen), the free TripIt to track all my travel plans in one place, and Ambiance as a white noise generator.

My favorite games – I’m playing a lot of Angry Birds HD, Cut the Rope HD, Loops of Zen, Grand Theft Auto, Train Conductor 2, and The Incident.  Most of those have free versions to try out, too.

My favorite iPad cases – Ladies in the audience, I probably have more bags than you have purses.  I looove bags, and I’m not ashamed to say it – although I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’ve got more than a dozen laptop or iPad bags in rotation right now.  Here’s my favorites:

I know what you’re thinking, though.  “Brent, I don’t have an iPad, and I don’t want to hear any more about your cool toys.”  Well, I’ve got good news – make that great news.  I happen to know somebody who’s giving away ten iPads plus software to monitor your SQL Servers just in time for the holidays.  Watch this space!

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

Website - Twitter - Facebook - More Posts

How to Buy Your First Mac

So you’re tired of craptastic plastic, and you’re noticing more and more Windows people toting around shiny metal computers? Here’s what you need to know.

Running Windows On Your Mac

If you’re reading this, you probably make a living working with Windows software, and you’re worried about how it’ll work.  Let’s get that out of the way right here and now with a quick demo video of VMware Fusion:

There’s two products available to help you run Windows in a window, VMware Fusion and Parallels Desktop. As of mid-2010, Parallels is said to run faster.  They both work better than you’d expect – you can drag & drop files between OS’s, make the OS boundary disappear altogether, and launch apps across OS’s.

For years, virtualization got a bad rap because it was slower, but today that’s just not the case.  Today, I prefer doing my development and research work in virtual machines because:

  • Bad apps don’t take me down altogether – I deal with a lot of beta and third party software that just isn’t as reliable as it should be.  Now if I have to reboot the guest to install or fix something, I can keep working in email while the guest reboots.
  • It’s easy to deploy a new guest – when I want to play with a new 3rd party tool, I simply copy an existing virtual machine and install the app in the new copy.  If the app leaves a trail of garbage in SQL Server, it doesn’t bother me, because I delete the VM when I’m done testing.
  • It’s easy to work with old versions of SQL – I’ve got separate VMs with SQL Server 2000, 2005, 2008, and 2008 R2 so that I can test code and take screenshots.  If I need to test how something works between the two, like log shipping or mirroring, I can just boot up both VMs.
  • It’s easy to freeze VMs for demos – Some of my demos involve a SQL Server being set up a certain way, but during my demos, I have a tendency to go offtopic and change things.  Now, if I trash a demo VM during a presentation, I can just restore that one VM’s file from backup.  (More on OS X’s cool backups in a minute.)
  • x64 guests work like a champ – if you need to demo 64-bit VMs, virtualization on the Mac is way, way easier than hassling with running Windows Server 2008 on your desktop.

So now that we’re a little more comfortable with running Windows in a window, let’s talk about the hardware we’re going to buy.

The Reality Distortion Field

People say Steve Jobs is so charismatic that he produces a Reality Distortion Field.  When he unveils things, people ooh and ahh and open their wallets.  Some of the things he unveils are truly worth the higher amounts on the price tag, and some of them aren’t.  Thankfully, right now (mid-2010) is a good time to buy the machines I’m recommending because they’ve had fairly recent hardware refreshes, and I don’t think newer/better/faster ones are coming in the next 4-5 months.

The stickers are optional.

The stickers are optional.

This post isn’t about whether or not Apple products are overpriced, and I’m not going to discuss value here.  This is strictly focused on what you should buy and what you should skip.

How to Pick Your First Mac

For your first Mac, there’s only two models I’d recommend.  If your computer never leaves the desk, get a Mac Mini.  It’s a tiny sub-$1000 computing appliance that performs well, is nearly silent, and works with your existing keyboard, monitor, and mouse.  The only thing I dislike about this little guy is that he maxes out at 8GB of memory, and I’d like my desktops to have more.  Apple does sell a higher-powered desktop, the Mac Pro, but the cost is astronomical.

If you travel every now and then, and you’re used to using a laptop hooked up to an external monitor, I recommend the Macbook Pro with the 13″ display.  At $1,199, it’s an absolute steal – at least, in Mac terms.

I would avoid buying a Macbook Air, a Mac Pro, or an iMac for your first Mac.  I like these machines for specialized purposes, but not as entry-level machines.

Where to Buy Your Mac

Everything about the Mac experience is different – starting with the shopping.  Apple sets their prices the same across all retailers, but during promotions, retailers can throw in extras like an iPod or a case.  Forget price shopping – shop for add-ons.  Don’t choose stores based on service, either, because your service is handled by the Apple Store.

If you live near an Apple Store, you owe it to yourself to visit.  They’re a completely different shopping experience.  For the most part, employees know what they’re talking about, there’s zero pressure, and they really seem to care.  Spend five minutes talking to a big-box-store employee, then spend five minutes talking to an Apple Store employee, and you’ll appreciate the difference.

No matter where you buy your Mac, you can walk into an Apple Store with it and get help and warranty service.  Make an appointment online for the Genius Bar, Apple’s equivalent of a help desk, and show up with your computer on time.  Expect to wait – it’s pretty much like the doctor’s office.  (Another nice thing about the Mac Mini and the laptops is that you can just carry them right into the store – not easily doable with the iMac or Mac Pro, since those weigh more.)  A Genius will call your name, hook up your computer right there, and work with you to find out what’s going on.

The downside of buying a Mac through any retail store, Apple or otherwise, is that you can’t configure the hardware.  If you want more memory or more storage, you have to buy it online.  Normally I’m anal retentive about exactly how my hardware is configured, but it’s easy to add memory later, and Apple’s memory tends to be overpriced.  Therefore, for your first Mac, I’d recommend visiting an Apple Store to compare and contrast the different models and sizes.

What To Buy With Your Mac

Max out the memory – if you’re reading this, you’re probably a geek who uses Windows, and you’re going to want to run virtual machines.  Macs can dual-boot into Windows, or they can run Windows in a Window.  Either way, the more memory you’ve got, the better.  I get my Mac memory from Crucial, a huge memory company that’s been highly reliable for me.  There’s cheaper places to get memory, and I haven’t had as good of luck with those.  To learn how to replace your Mac’s memory, check out the repair guides at IFixIt.com.

Any big USB hard drive – Apple’s Time Machine is the coolest backup software on the planet, and it’s built right into OS X, the operating system for Macs.  Simply plug in any USB hard drive, and OS X will ask you if you’d like to use it for your backups.  Time Machine manages when the backups happen, and automatically keeps as much history as it possibly can given the hard drive size.  Apple also sells a wireless router called a Time Capsule that has a built-in hard drive.  It’s overpriced, but it’s brain-dead-simple.  If you don’t need a router, though, any USB hard drive will do.  Here’s what Time Machine looks like:

Even better, when it’s time to upgrade to a new Mac, just plug in your Time Machine disk.  OS X will bring over your settings, documents, and get this – your applications too.  Eat your heart out, Windows users.

Apple Magic Mouse – the entire surface of this mouse is a touchpad.  Once you use it, you won’t understand why other mice are so big, ugly, and awkward.  Power users, check out MagicPrefs to do all kinds of tasks without taking your hand off the mouse.

One to One – for $99 for one year, you can have as much personal time as you want with Mac experts at the Apple Store.  They help you get set up, teach you how to use Apple software like iMovie and iPhoto, and give you access to tutorial videos.  If you’re buying a Mac for a non-geek relative who lives near an Apple Store, One to One is the best tech support you could ever get.  I make my friends and family buy this, because it helps ‘em get up to speed without calling me every weekend.

AppleCare – this is Apple’s extended warranty.  I get this because life happens.  Unlike some big-box-store programs, though, this doesn’t cover accidental damage like dropped laptops.

Things to avoid – MobileMe synchronizes files, emails, and appointments across multiple Macs, iPhones, and iPads.  I haven’t had good luck with it, and there’s better free tools out there.

Settings to Change

If you’re coming from a Windows world, some of the default Mac settings won’t make sense.  Click on the Apple at the top left of the screen, click System Preferences, and make a few tweaks to make your life easier.

Go into Expose & Spaces.  Whenever you move your mouse into a corner of the screen, Expose makes things happen automatically.  Mine are set like this:

  • Top Left – Application Windows (shows all windows from the one app you’re using now, so if you’ve got several Word docs open, you just see those)
  • Top Right – All Windows
  • Bottom Left – Start Screen Saver
  • Bottom Right – Dashboard

Then click the Show All button at the top, and you’ll be back to the main System Preferences window.  Click Displays, then click Arrangement.  You don’t have to change anything here, but if you ever do presentations with your Mac, you’ll want to remember this screen.  The box “Mirror Displays” is checked by default when you plug in a projector, and you need to uncheck that if you want to use PowerPoint’s presenter display on your Mac.  (You do.  It’s fabulous.)

Click Show All again, and click Keyboard, Keyboard Shortcuts.  At the bottom, change the Full Keyboard Access to say “All controls.”  Otherwise, when you tab through a menu, it’ll skip some controls.

Click Show All, then Trackpad.  Enable “Tap trackpad using two fingers for secondary click,” and that’ll give you the equivalent of a right-click on the touchpad just by using two fingers instead of one.  Us Windows folks love right-clicking.

The Built-In Applications from Apple

OS X includes a few applications that have some features you might not expect, and some you might want to avoid.

Mail and iCal – does what it says on the box, but frankly, it can’t hold a candle to the Exchange/Outlook combo in any category except speed.  It loads blazing fast, searches fast, and lets you down fast.  The calendar integration sucks, you can’t see your coworkers’ free/busy time, and address lookups aren’t all that good.  If you don’t use Exchange as a mail server, though, you’ll be satisfied with Mail.

iPhoto – plug in your camera, and the Mac vacuums your photo into this slick tool.  It automatically recognizes faces once you’ve named ‘em the first time, recognizes places if your photos have geotags (like the ones embedded into iPhone photos), and can even upload your photos to Flickr or Facebook.  That last one doesn’t work too well in my opinion – I just want my entire photo library synced with Flickr or Facebook, but that’s not an option.  You have to specify which events you want uploaded.

DMGs – this isn’t an application per se, but DMG files are Disk iMaGes: packaged files that contain an equivalent of a filesystem, like an ISO file.  This is how Mac software makers distribute their stuff.  Double-click on the DMG, and your computer suddenly has another disk attached.  The software is on the disk.  Mac applications are different, too – they’re often just the one “file”.  Drag that file into your Applications folder, and presto, it’s installed.  Tired of it?  Just delete it.  Some vendors still distribute installers – particularly tools that need system integration or tools that install their own automatic updaters.  Here’s how DMGs work:

Quick Look – in Finder (the equivalent of Explorer), hit the space bar and you can preview any file.  Preview is such a lame word, too, because this thing is a monster – it instantaneously loads Excel files (complete with tabs), huge PDFs, movies, you name it.

iChat, iMovie, iDVD, iWeb – iDon’tUseThese, and iHaveNoIdeaIfThey’reAnyGood.  Well, not iChat – I do indeed chat, but I don’t bother with iChat because it only works with AOL and MobileMe users.

Applications That Just Work

Many of the tools you already use every day work fine on the Mac, including:

  • Firefox – and every plugin I’ve ever used
  • Microsoft Office – you can open anybody’s Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Publisher files, but Access and PowerPivot users are out of luck.  You’ll need to run a Windows virtual machine for those – more on that below.  If you work for a big company that has a software agreement with Microsoft, go to your sysadmins and say, “Go to TechNet and download me a copy of Microsoft Office for the Mac.  Our Enterprise Agreement includes home use rights, and I just bought a Mac.  You can download the bits right now without paying anything.  Kthxbai.”  That Enterprise Agreement stuff may not be correct for your company, but just mentioning all these keywords makes it likely that they’ll take you seriously and go find out.
  • TweetDeck – my favorite Twitter app, but then again every Adobe Air app works fine on the Mac
  • iTunes – love it or hate it, if you’ve got an iPod or iPhone, you’re already used to this.  The good news is that it’s way faster on Macs than Windows.
  • Remote Desktop – you can use Microsoft’s client, or CoRD.  I use Microsoft’s.
  • Skype – and if you’re a serious video chatter, you might like the seamless FireWire camcorder integration.  I use a Canon ZR960 camcorder for my instant messaging & webcasts because the quality’s so much better than typical USB webcams.
  • Dropbox and LiveMesh – if you’re into the whole file-sync-in-the-cloud thing.
  • WebEx – you can create and host meetings complete with audio & video.  Microsoft LiveMeeting, not so much.

Applications to Download First

Once you’ve taken the plunge, you’ll want to install software.  Here’s the software I use most often:

Edit files with Textmate – elegant text editor that hides all of its functionality in hotkeys and slideout menus.  Comes with all kinds of syntax highlighting and code formatting bundles that await your discovery and mastery.

Capture images with Skitch (free) – insanely easy-to-use image capture and markup tool.  Grab quick screenshots for blog posts, mark them up, and drag them wherever you need them without ever saving them.  Here’s how it works:

Burn DVDs with Disco – if you work with Windows machines a lot, you probably need to burn CDs and DVDs from ISO files. Disco does that really well, and has brain-dead-simple usability.  I demonstrated it in the DMG video earlier in the post.

Note: Textmate, Skitch, and Disco all have wildly different user interfaces.  There’s no standard UI in the Mac world, but what I’ve found is that the very best applications have user interfaces that are perfect for the task at hand.  After using TextMate and Disco, every other editor and burner seems bloated and stupid.  After using Skitch, I can’t understand why every other screen capture utility makes me hit File, Save As.  Just let me drag the image where I want it, and handle everything for me.

Dropbox – sync your files through the cloud.  Dropbox installs as a service and creates a Dropbox folder in your home directory.  Anything you save in there is automatically uploaded to the cloud, and you can access it on any of your Dropbox-equipped devices – Windows, Mac, iPhone, iPad, Android, Linux, etc.  You get 2GB of storage for free, and you can pay for more.  Some apps are Dropbox-enabled, so they know how to access files through it natively.  For example, the iPhone/iPad text editor Elements just creates an Elements folder in your dropbox, thereby giving you a text editor that always has access to all the same files, anywhere.  I don’t try to sync all my files – just docs for things I’m actively working on, plus my most frequently used presentations.

Cyberduck – FTP client that also handles Amazon S3, WebDAV, Google Docs, and more.

Flip4Mac WMV Player (free) – you know how you used to hate Quicktime movies whenever they popped up on your Windows machine? Yeah, about that – now you’re going to hate WMV movies. The free Flip4Mac WMV Player at least plays ‘em, but they suck just like Quicktime movies suck on Windows machines.

Pro Tools to Get Later

Use strong passwords with 1Password – this app creates a toolbar button in your web browser, generates strong passwords for you, saves them, and synchronizes them across your Macs, iPhones, iPads, and even Windows machines.  I love having a different strong password for every web site, plus having access to all of them everywhere.  It’s not cheap, but the usability blows the doors off open source competitor Keepass.

Rate your music easier with I Love Stars – puts a little display in your tray, and you can rate music quickly.  I leave iTunes running with music all day long, and when it plays a song I love, I like to rate it.  I have a separate automatic playlist for highly rated music.

Record desktop movies with ScreenFlow – if you want to record tutorial videos showing how to do something like the one I did above, you can’t do it easier than with ScreenFlow.  Camtasia also has a Mac version.  Either way, host your videos at Vimeo, which allows you to upload high definition videos.

No matter what laptop you use, get a hybrid drive – Seagate has hybrid hard drives now with 4GB solid state flash memory built in.  They use the memory to cache your most frequently used files so you get solid state speed on those.  Anandtech’s review summed it up by saying, “Seagate’s Momentus XT should become the standard hard drive in any notebook shipped.”  I noticed faster boot times, faster application launch times, and the whole machine felt zippier.  You can buy the 500GB drive under $150 at NewEgg or buy it at Amazon.

Who Would Go Through All This?

The easiest way to answer this is by naming some of the Microsoft SQL Server MVPs who’ve made the switch:

If you’ve got questions about what the switching experience is like, feel free to ask in the comments.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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I passed the MCM! iPads for everyone!

Quest: “Brent, here’s a top-of-the-line Apple iPad 3G, case, camera kit, dock, and all the trimmings.”

One for me, one for you.

One for me, one for you.

Me: “What?  Why?”

Quest: “Before you went for the Microsoft Certified Master program, you kept telling us how hard it was and how high the failure rate was.  We wanted to thank you for putting in so much hard work.  We really appreciate it.”

Me: “Wow, that’s awesome!  What other tests can I take next?”

Quest: “Speaking of that, we need you to come up with ten questions about yourself.  We’re going to run a test of our own, asking people questions about you.  Then we’ll take the entries, hold a drawing, and give one of them an iPad too.”

Me: “Are you kidding me?  All this because I passed the MCM?  What if I wouldn’t have passed?”

Quest: “Instead of a whole pad, you would have gotten just a slip.  A pink slip.”

Me: “Right.”

Wanna win an iPad? Go take the test!

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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My Apple iPad Review

I need a backup presentation device when I travel. During my epic European trip failure, my laptop failed in Copenhagen, and all kinds of hell broke loose. I decided I’d always travel with a second device that could do PowerPoint presentations. For a while, I used a netbook, but I hated carrying fifteen pounds of gear on my shoulder through the airport.

I bought an iPad because:

  • It has VGA output (albeit through a crappy dongle)
  • It can do PowerPoint presentations
  • It’s really light (1.5 pounds)
  • It has a tiny charger (and can be charged via USB)

There’s plenty of places on the web where you can read volumes of well-written stuff about the iPad (AnandtechEngadget), so I’ll just focus on the drawbacks that trouble me the most.

The Virtual Keyboard Sucks

I love my iPhone’s onscreen keyboard. I can type on that thing like nobody’s business, and sometimes I even do it without looking. I can’t call it touch-typing, since there’s no feel of keys, heh.

In theory, the iPad onscreen keyboard should be even better. It’s bigger, and in landscape mode, I should be able to set my hands down and sorta-touch-type. My hands fit great – here’s my right hand with my index finger on the J key, just like a real full-sized keyboard:

iPad Touch Typing

iPad Touch Typing

Looks great, right? Well, not so much. To figure out the problem, you have to compare the iPad keyboard with a real keyboard and see what my fingers are actually hovering over:

iPad Keyboard Differences

iPad Keyboard Differences

On a real keyboard, your four right fingers hover over J, K, L, and ;. On the iPad keyboard, they hover over J, K, L, and the return key. That one little difference, coupled with the keyboard size and lack of tactile feedback, means this is a really bad replacement for a real keyboard. Apple makes an iPad keyboard dock, but if I have to carry that around, I’m right back up to netbook territory.

On an iPhone, I just changed my method of typing altogether – I either use one thumb or two thumbs, depending on how fast I want to type. When the iPad is in landscape mode, two-thumb typing is impossible – the keyboard is just too darned wide. In portrait mode, it’s somewhat more doable for me, but I have pretty big hands. I’ve seen Erika try to type with it, and it just doesn’t work.

The Lack of Multitasking Sucks

The iPad is almost the perfect thing to carry around at conferences. The ten-hour battery life would let me take notes all day while responding to tweets and emails, and I wouldn’t have to drag a power adapter around or look for power outlets to recharge.  The form factor on this thing is great for a meeting/conference device.

Except that there’s no multitasking.  I could either take notes OR do Twitter OR do email.

The upcoming OS v4 upgrade will add multitasking (and support for Bluetooth keyboards, yay!), but it’s not coming out for the iPad until the fall. I’m crossing my fingers in the hope that the iPad will be the only thing I have to carry at the PASS Summit. I’d love to stop hassling with power outlets and shoulder bags.

The App Scene Sucks Right Now

Some of your favorite iPhone apps have been upgraded to add iPad support at no extra charge. Simply go into the App Store, hit Upgrade, and you’ll get all of the latest and greatest apps.

Some developers have decided to sell “HD” or “XL” versions of their apps for the iPad. Pay one price for the iPhone version, another price – usually much higher – for the iPad version. Forget the extra price – this is just painful to manage. Every couple of days, I go into the App Store looking to see if my favorite apps have been reintroduced for the iPad. I don’t want to do this manually – just alert me when there’s a new version of TripIt or RememberTheMilk available for the iPad. And no, I don’t want to run the regular iPhone versions on the iPad, because they look like hell. Even a lot of the new iPad app versions leave something to be desired – check out this WordPress app’s blog editing screen, which only shows a tiny sliver of my post content and wastes huge areas of the screen on greyed-out and non-scrolling title/tags/status fields:

WordPress on iPad

WordPress on the iPad

Not good enough.

The Best Experiences?

When Steve Jobs introduced the iPad, he called it the best email experience, the best photos experience, the best web surfing experience, and the best video experience. I’d agree about two of them, but I didn’t really need a photo or video device, and I don’t think you do either.

The best web experience requires Flash.

I hate Flash. It’s slow, and the web sites that rely on it frustrate me. But I can’t argue that it’s the dominant tool out there for building interactive web sites (no offense, Silverlight guys.) Excluding Flash support means I can’t view a lot of web site videos, and that means it’s not the best web experience.

The best email experience requires a better keyboard.

I seriously prefer using the iPad to handle my mail over the laptop. It’s a quick, fun experience. It’s so fun, in fact, that I’ve started leaving the iPad propped up on my desk to act as a separate email monitor. But when it comes time to composing a reply of more than a paragraph, I prefer my iPhone keyboard over the iPad, and my laptop keyboard over that, and an ergonomic keyboard over all of those. The iPad’s keyboard is a very distant last place. If you insist on using the iPad keyboard, the Apple iPad case helps somewhat by tilting the iPad up as it lays on a flat surface.

The best video experience requires stereo speakers.

Listening to music or watching movies on the iPad infuriates the audiophile in me. It absolutely requires headphones. Mono sound comes out of just one speaker at the bottom of the iPad, or one side when your using it in landscape mode. I’m distracted by the audio, it’s so bad. Headphones makes this problem disappear, but he said this was the BEST video experience, and without headphones, that’s just not the case. And it doesn’t ship with headphones. Or the USB adapter. Or the VGA adapter. And $300 netbooks come with stereo speakers, USB, and VGA out.

My Bottom Line: Apple Users Only for Now

Today, the iPad is an expensive, limited alternative to a Windows 7-equipped netbook.  If you’re happy with a Windows laptop, you’ll prefer a Windows-equipped netbook over the iPad for day to day use. The iPad, sexy as it is, can’t compete with the practicality of a machine that offers multitasking and a physical keyboard. Months from now, when the iPad OS v4 brings multitasking to the party and when HTML5 video replaces Flash, things might be different.

If you’re an Apple iPhone user, though, full speed ahead.  You’re already used to a lot of the compromises in the iPhone OS, and the iPad will seem like the next logical step.  If I didn’t have to do so many SQL Server demos on the road, I’d switch from my laptop to the iPad.  I’m even kicking around the thought of building Amazon EC2 SQL Servers in the cloud to demo the things I need, and then booting them up to remote control them from my iPad for demos.  Stay tuned.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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My Favorite iPhone Apps

Buying a new iPhone?  Here’s my favorite apps that I use regularly:

Travel Apps

Ambiance – $.99 – in my bedroom at home, I use a white noise generator to mask outside noise like trains, neighbors, Erika watching TV, and so on.  On the road, I fire up this iPhone app, which does the same thing.  My favorite is Brown Noise (insert poop joke here), which sounds a lot like smooth static, followed closely by Powerful Waterfall, Rain on Leaves, and Rain on a Tent.  You can download tons of sounds inside the app.

Layar – free – an augmented reality browser.  Wait, it’s cooler than it sounds.  Fire it up, hold up the phone, and the screen shows a camera view as if you were about to take a photo.  Layar adds additional layers (thus the name) with things like Wikipedia articles, subway stations, restaurants, and more, so you can see what you’re looking at.  Insanely useful for tourists.

TripIt – free – syncs all of my travel plans from TripIt.com so I always have my complete itinerary in the palm of my hand.  Includes directions from the airport to the hotel to the venue in El Arm-Pitto to the hotel to the airport.

Yelp – free – restaurant reviews by real people.  (That has its own pros and cons.)

Games

Air Hockey – $.99 – this is the first app I show people who’ve never played with an iPhone before.  Hold the iPhone between two people, and each person puts a finger on their mallet.  You move your puck around with your finger, and the iPhone is the air hockey surface.  The puck bounces around and makes cool sounds.  Does what it says on the box.  Seems so simple, but the iPhone’s speed and screen really work well for this app, and people “get it” right away.

Labyrinth Lite – free – this is the second app.  It’s the game we all played as a kid: wooden maze, steel ball bearing, and it’s your mission to navigate the ball through the maze by tilting the board.  Only here, you’re literally tilting the phone, and the ball moves through the maze.  Extremely compelling, but it’s a one-trick pony – you don’t want to play this for hours.

Flight Control – $.99 – pretending to be an air traffic controller on an iPhone screen sounded like the dumbest game premise ever to me, but turns out it’s a blast.  When planes enter the screen, you have to draw them a flight path using your finger and get them to land on the runway.  Different planes have different speeds and different preferred landing spots, making things tricky on a small screen.  Fun multiplayer mode where you can pass off planes to different controllers over WiFi or Bluetooth.

I Love Katamari – $2.99 – based on the bizarre Japanese-style game Katamari Damacy.  This game also really takes advantage of the iPhone’s tilt functionality and graphics – you just tilt the phone to move your Katamari.  Very intuitive, very funny, and can be played for hours.

Must Eat Birds – $.99 – “The world’s first ever picnic defense simulator.”  Extremely catchy game with extremely catchy music, and very Japanese-y.  The best way to explain it is to watch the videos at their site.

Word Ace – free – if you like Scrabble and Texas Hold ‘Em poker, you’ll love Word Ace.  Has an online multiplayer feature, but I never use that – I just play against the robots.

Other Apps

1Password – $7.99 – companion app for the Mac-only password vault 1Password.  Syncs your passwords between your Mac and your iPhone, which is really handy for paranoid guys like me that use strong random passwords for every different web site.  There’s two apps – you want the Pro version if you plan on copy/pasting passwords into the browser on the iPhone.  ($3 extra for copy/paste?  Really?  Seriously?)

RememberTheMilk – free – companion app for RememberTheMilk.com Pro accounts ($25/year).  RTM is a killer web-based task management system, and the iPhone app integrates really well.  It sounds odd to have an iPhone app for a web site service, but it pays off in areas where you don’t get a good iPhone signal.  Like, uh, New York City.

TweetDeck – free – if you like this Twitter client on your desktop, you’ll love it on the iPhone.  Syncs your columns with your desktop, too.

If you liked these, you might also like Jonathan Gardner’s must-have iPhone apps.  Any other apps we’ve left out that you’d recommend to other readers?  Leave ‘em in the comments.

Note: I’m on a cruise ship this week and won’t be responding to comments until Monday, January 11th.  If you post a comment that requires moderation, don’t fret – I’ll approve it when I get back.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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Microsoft Office 2008 SP2 for Mac Fail

Microsoft just put out a service pack for Microsoft Office 2008 for the Mac. Don’t install it. Nothing about this service pack appears to be unusual until you try to open certain files in Excel, PowerPoint or Word:

Microsoft PowerPoint Error

Microsoft PowerPoint Error

Clicking Yes takes you to a page titled, “I can’t open an Office document after I install Office 2008 SP2 Update,” which includes this gem:

Cause: This is a known issue with Office 2008 SP2 Update.
Solution: Save your Excel workbook by using an earlier version of Office 2008 for Mac.

Uh, how?  You just expect everyone to have another computer sitting around that hasn’t been patched yet?

Further investigation brings up a Microsoft knowledge base article about the Office 2008 SP2 problem, which states:

If updates do not resolve the issue, you can re-create or save the Excel workbook, Word document, or PowerPoint presentation in a file format other than Open XML. For example, you can save the file in the .xls, .doc, or .ppt file format.

That’s right – Office can’t open its own files.  I wasn’t doing any fancy file formatting, just using Office’s own defaults.  So I have to find another machine with an un-updated version of Office, then save the files in the last generation Office file format (thereby losing some cool formatting in the process too.)  I’m seeing similar complaints from other users in forums around the intertubez.

Unbelievable, inexcusable and frustrating.

Update August 6th: Good News and Bad News

So the good news is, Microsoft came out with a patch for the XML file issue.  The bad news is – well, I’ll let the screenshot speak for itself:

Fail Fail Fail Fail

Fail Fail Fail Fail

C’mon, guys…  And then thirty seconds later:

Nothing To See Here, Move Along

Nothing To See Here, Move Along

Who knows?  Who cares?  I can open my files again.  I’m not going to ask any more questions.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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Hackintosh Fail

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to build a cheap, fast and reliable Hackintosh: a home-built desktop capable of running Apple Mac OSX.

You can read the story over at the Houston Chronicle’s TechBlog, where Dwight Silverman let me post as a guest blogger.  It also got picked up on Digg, MacSurfer and CrunchGear.

Some of the FAQ’s in the comments include:

“Why didn’t you just buy an iMac and plug an extra monitor into it?“  Because I already have a 28″ monitor and two 22″ monitors.  I couldn’t hook up all three to an iMac, I didn’t want to throw away hardware, and I didn’t want to rebuy a monitor I already had.  Plus the iMac only has a single internal hard drive, and I wanted more IO speed.

“You don’t really need more IO speed.” Yes, I do, actually.  I’m a former SAN & SQL Server administrator, and I do testing with data warehouse-size databases of a terabyte or more.  The faster I can back up and restore those databases, the faster I can get my work done.  To give you some indication, my other machine is a Dell PowerEdge 1900 with six drives in a RAID 10 array.  This issue came up several times in the comments, which always infuriates me with the intertubez: people love to tell you what you don’t need.

“Why not plug a bunch of FireWire drives into an iMac?” Because an iMac only has one FireWire 800 port, and I’d be daisy chaining things together like crazy and bottlenecking my bandwidth.  Plus a bunch of FireWire drive enclosures are ugly and expensive.

“Why not buy an iMac and a Drobo?” Were you even listening about the cheap part?  The smallest 24″ iMac is $1,500 and the cheapest 4-bay Drobo is $500. At that point, I’m within spitting distance of a Mac Pro, which takes more memory, more CPUs and has 4 internal drive bays.

“I installed OSX on my Dell Mini 9 netbook and it works great.” Yep, you nailed the cheap part.  Now about the fast part…

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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Open Letter to Non-Technical Friends with Windows Machines

First, I’m sorry about the virus you got.  Viruses, I mean, plural.  I totally don’t mean to kick you while you’re down, but we need to talk.

Yes, I’ll fix it.  Yes, I totally understand that you were just surfing the web for legitimate business needs.  No, I won’t look in your browser history.

Achewood Tells It Like It Is

Achewood Tells It Like It Is

It’s going to take me about four hours to back your stuff up, strip out the viruses, make sure everything’s working okay, run the latest updates, put a real antivirus program on there, put a safer browser on there, and teach you how to use it all.  Go ahead and grab a beer and a couple of Tylenol. No, not for you – for me.  I know you think I love doing computer work, but this isn’t exactly the part that calls to me.

Did you know the Geek Squad charges $400 for in-home service for this, and $300 at the store?  Ouch.  That’d pretty much erase the cost difference between the iMac I told you to get, versus the cheap Windows machine you picked up.  And that’s just one instance – and we both know this is gonna happen again, just like it did a couple of years ago.  Ah, you thought I’d forgotten that, huh?

Now remember, when I give it back to you, you can’t surf any suspicious sites with this thing.  I’ve done what I can by putting a better browser on there, but it’s always an arms race between the good guys and the bad guys.  If you go to bad web sites, odds are you’re still going to get infected, no matter how much I set up ahead of time.  Don’t download movies or music from web sites, because they’re probably not legit.  Don’t open movies people send you in email, no matter who it is – even if it says it’s me, it’s not really me.  I know you don’t understand how that works, but you have to trust me.  And don’t even think about going to any “adult” sites.  Maybe I could install virtualization on your machine and give you a separate instance, but I’m not sure that you’d be able to remember which window was safe and which one was dangerous.  I’d end up coming over to give you regular refresher lessons about how to use the thing, and I know you’d get frustrated because you don’t want to spend any time learning – you just want to go surf and play.

In fact, if you’re going to insist on sticking with Windows, and you’re going to keep your valuable business stuff on there like your accounting, what I’d really recommend is that you get two separate machines: one for business and one for…pleasure.  Although of course, even if you confine your “adult” surfing to the pleasure machine, you’re still going to get viruses on it, and you’re still going to rack up those $400 Geek Squad bills.

Or you could just buy a 20″ iMac for $1,000 or a Macbook for $1,300 and be done with it.  Your call.  You could even pick up a Mac Mini for under $500, but you have to bring your own keyboard, and quite frankly, you need a new keyboard.  This one is filled with stuff, and I don’t mean crumbs.

No, it doesn’t run a lot of software, but all you’re really doing is surfing the web, listening to music & movies, checking your email, and using Microsoft Office, and it’s great for all of those.  Best of all, you can go to all kinds of, uh, “web sites” and you won’t get infected, and I know how important that is to you.  Or at least, I imagine it would be if I’d checked your browser history.  Okay, look, I didn’t even have to check the history, because my anti-spyware stuff scrolled through a bunch of web site names as it was ripping out cookies.  We’re still friends, but let’s just say I’m wearing gloves when I have to touch your keyboard.

No?  You still wanna save money, eh?  Well, here’s where the bad news comes in: this is the last time I’ll fix your computer for free.  Next time, I’m pointing you to the Geek Squad.  I’m not spending my weekends fixing your computers just because you want some free pr0n.

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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