Almost ten years ago, some friends of ours (Erika & me) went through a rough divorce. We’d always thought they were completely happy, and their divorce took us completely by surprise. The more we learned about their breakup, the more curious we got about the success prospects for our own relationship.
Don't You Dare Get Married - Period!
We stumbled across the book Don’t You Dare Get Married Until You Read This: The Book of Questions for Couples. We dutifully filled out our own answers in the margins of the book, and in the process, we learned a lot about each other. I was shocked at the number of issues I’d never even considered, but thankfully, almost all of our answers meshed perfectly. Almost eleven years on, we’re still happy together.
When Kim, Paul, and I started working with our lawyers to merge our businesses together into SQLskills, I was reminded so much of that book. Lawyers asked us all kinds of questions and provoked some pretty surprising discussions. We were all blown away by the kinds of things that can tear companies apart – well, all of us except the lawyers, who see this kind of thing all the time.
Along the way, we discovered things about ourselves, our businesses, and our goals – things we hadn’t even thought to ask ourselves. We unearthed situations where we had major incompatibilities, and we figured out that we might not be the best 3-some to meet at the altar. It’s better to figure this stuff out before you get in front of the priest.
I’m still going to be doing classes & consulting with Paul & Kim, but instead of joining SQLskills as an owner, I’ll be going on my own to gradually start my own brand. We’ll be friends with benefits, though. Paul says I can keep the sheep costume.
Paul Randal February 14, 2011 | 8:03 pm
Hey man – you complete us! Or no, not any more
Seriously, best move all round and I’m glad we all caught it early. You can still wear the sheep suit if you want…
Paul Randal February 14, 2011 | 8:03 pm
Hey man – you complete us! Or no, not any more
Seriously, best move all round and I’m glad we all caught it early. You can still wear the sheep suit if you want…
Brent Ozar February 14, 2011 | 8:10 pm
I’ll always have a special place in my heart for the sheep suit. And no, it’s not the back door….
Ryan Deeds February 14, 2011 | 8:05 pm
IT folks everywhere can learn from your eloquence and diplomacy. Even when you are not teaching you are teaching.
Brent Ozar February 14, 2011 | 8:43 pm
Ryan – thanks, sir! I’m honored – that’s a great comment to hear at times like this.
Ike Ellis February 14, 2011 | 8:06 pm
That’s sad…but for the best. Partnerships are incredibly tough to make work, even if everyone involved is awesome (like the three of you).
Good luck, Brent!
Kimberly L. Tripp February 14, 2011 | 8:06 pm
Yeah, exciting times! And, better that we can be friends with benefits rather than exes.
Hugs,
kt
Brent Ozar February 14, 2011 | 8:09 pm
Hahaha, there you go!
Rowland Gosling February 14, 2011 | 8:07 pm
I once had a great personal secretary who showed me the power of being that strong supporting person…Dr Watson and Friday spring to mind in a silly sort of Hollywood way. It took a lot of strength to be that silent when I’d foolishly been looking through some filing cabinet marked ‘A’ when I wanted something from the Zeta file.
Here’s hoping for your brand-new future
Noel February 14, 2011 | 8:24 pm
Congratulations Brent, what an exciting decision! You don’t have to be co-owners to collaborate and exploit synergies (sorry, consultant habit).
I’ve spent a fair amount of my life (in some ways too much) around the mixture of marriage and business, so when the co-ownership plan was announced a big “Ut Oh” went off in my head. Even under the best of circumstances, it’s a tough arrangement to pull off. I’m sure it’s difficult to come out and announce something like this, but I think you’ll always look back on how wise it was.
You don’t need to hear this from me, but I’ll say it anyway… I’d guess that you (and SQLskills) being so public about sharing this only strengthens how awesome and generous everyone thinks you folk are to the community.
BTW, sounds like you had good lawyers with all of your interests in mind.
Brent Ozar February 14, 2011 | 8:45 pm
Noel – thanks, man! That brings up a good point – it shows what a great relationship Paul and Kim have because they have a successful business AND marriage. They’re great people, and I’m honored that they would even consider bringing me on board like this.
Gethyn Ellis February 15, 2011 | 2:23 am
WOW, didn’t see that coming, it’s great that this got caught early before any friendships got lost in a business deal. And it’s great that you can share things like this on your blog. Also it’s great news that you’ll still be working closely with Paul and Kim delivering training.
Chandan February 15, 2011 | 5:16 am
Being a 26 year old kid,it is really tough for me to grasp what actually happened here.Brent has used the words in such a manner that it bounced over my head
It looks so funny to admit that I could not understand the actual gist of the post but I am cool to admit that I am a bit stupid not to understand it properly
But as Paul and Kim commented,I believe that Brent is still enjoying free wine and that sheep costume
Cheers SQLSkills !!!
Anonymous February 15, 2011 | 5:22 am
Money, money, money…
Brent Ozar February 15, 2011 | 5:41 am
Anonymous – or shall I say, dobrzak@gmail.com…
Marlon Ribunal February 15, 2011 | 5:17 pm
that or Rafal Dobrzynski
Thirster42 February 15, 2011 | 8:41 am
Yup, better to find out early than to find out too late. I wish everyone involved the best in luck!
Anthony Young February 15, 2011 | 9:57 am
Impressive post, Brent. I’m a big fan of Kim & Paul and have been hearing great things about you, too, but this post alone got you added to my RSS reader.
Brent Ozar February 15, 2011 | 10:04 am
Anthony – why, thanks, sir!
Matt Mangan February 15, 2011 | 10:39 am
I love the fact that you posted this on Valentines day! Well timed!
And congrats on the making the tough decision. They are hard to make, but once you do, you know there was no other path.
Looking forward to seeing you in Vancouver! I’ll pray for the gods of Sun…rarely seen on the west coast at this time of year!
Kevin Kline February 15, 2011 | 11:39 am
In a way, this doesn’t surprise me and, certainly, from a legal standpoint it makes a lot of sense.
When I was DBA manager at Deloitte, a partnership, I got to see all of the ins and outs of how partnerships work and why there are so many difficulties with them. They have a well-earned reputation as being the most difficult form of business entity. I ‘ve wondered from time to time if the MSSQL world could pull off a similar entity. But to make a long story short, Deloitte and the other big consultancies & partnerships are able to hand together and stay in business through a strong and very hierarchical leadership structure. The hierarchy is almost impossible to assemble and keep intact in the long run.
It’s kudos to you all for seeing that way ahead of time. You can continue to work as you do today without a hiccup.
And as for building a brand, Brent, do NOT sweat it. You’ve got just about the biggest brand in the business. And justly so!
Best regards,
-Kev
Brent Ozar February 15, 2011 | 12:33 pm
Kev – thanks, sir! That means a lot coming from you.
I swore I’d never work for another big company after I worked for a financial firm. (I don’t see Quest as a big company, just a bunch of small companies running loosely in formation.) The hierarchical leadership structure drives me crazy. But you’re right – that’s how they’re able to succeed through time despite staff turnover, and I do admire that.
extofer February 15, 2011 | 1:22 pm
At least it didn’t get messy… “who gets the tables? who gets the views? who will stored procs visit this summer?”
Marlon Ribunal February 15, 2011 | 4:00 pm
I’m just curious, Brent. If you will eventually “start your own brand”, does that mean you will be on the same market as the Randals? Will you be their competition? Like I said, I’m just curious
Brent Ozar February 15, 2011 | 4:02 pm
Marlon – great question, actually. Kim, Paul, and I never really competed for the same customers – nor did Stacia and Bob. We all have different specialties. The thing that made Kim, Paul, and I such a great technical fit is that there was so little overlap.
Chandan February 16, 2011 | 12:51 am
But do all the customers demand five of you to work with them in the official sheep costume that is the norm at SQL skills?
Paul Randal February 16, 2011 | 9:05 am
We take turns with a sheep dog outfit too. Lots of fun.
Andrew Barber February 15, 2011 | 5:23 pm
I appreciate the candor and honesty you’ve shared here. Asking the tough questions up-front – and getting the answers to those questions – is so important. Not doing so can ruin what otherwise could remain an excellent working relationship.
Chris Shaw February 16, 2011 | 12:13 am
I have to echo what so many have said. Its better to learn these items now than to find out so many years later. When I speak and write of when I hire a DBA, I try to remind readers/attendees that when you work with someone as many hours as we do, it is so close to a marriage. It takes so much more than love, to make the whole thing work.
Best of luck to you.
Chris
Ali Raz February 17, 2011 | 1:56 am
Brent,
I got introduced to Paul and Kimberly through your website, and it was one of the best experiences in my 10+ year career in I.T. I was really looking forward to seeing this super team. I’d say, take up Paul and Kim on their 3some friends with benefits suggestion ( I never thought in my life I’d say that about 2 SQL developers), utilize them with your next phase, perhaps start with a few multi million dollar contracts and training videos!
Pingback: Pragmatic Transition: Lighthouses and Shipwrecks | The SQL UPDATE Statement
Ketan February 25, 2011 | 7:41 am
Hi Brent,
Sorry to discourage you man but why to reinvent the wheel?
Starting a Brand is one thing and actually make monies and get success from that brand is a different ball game alltogether. You DO already have a brand. Why not just encash it with someone with proven track record. Today you have the luxury and freedom to enjoy your work. U sure you will have the same once you are committed? Till date you have made your way by being different. Why to join the bandwagon?
Wish ya best of luck for all your future ventures.
KP.
Brent Ozar February 25, 2011 | 7:43 am
KP – thanks for your feedback. I’ll be posting more on my decision in the coming weeks. I think you’ll like what you see.
Mark Broadbent May 14, 2011 | 9:35 pm
Hiya Brent. I know this post is really old now but I just stumbled back on it and was reading the comments and I just started thinking (rare for me). I am really interested in one particular question -do you think it was a positive thing that you guys initially went down that path of joining forces or do you think that the *ideal* scenario is that you had come to a different conclusion about the partnership sooner than you did?
The angle I’m aiming from here is that perhaps by making the mistake it helped you focus on what you really wanted (which resulted in giving birth to PLF).
I just think that sometimes we have to live a mistake in order to make it real enough to us so we can then act on it and go in another direction. A bit like going to a different hotel can help you realise whether your usual one is a good call or not, but you have to take the plunge to find out.
Don’t know if all that made sense or if I was talking jibberish?!
Btw, just seen two of your guys speak at SQLRally – this guy called Peshka and a gal called Little and they were most excellent
Brent Ozar May 15, 2011 | 10:59 am
Mark – well, in a perfect world, I’d second-guess every decision I made all along the way, and I could go all the way back to dropping out of college back in 1993. Thing is, everything I’ve done has gotten me to the point where I’m at today, and I’m really happy where I’m at.
Lonny Niederstadt March 31, 2013 | 4:43 am
Excellent post! I’ve been married 15 years. Looks like ‘Don’t You Dare Get Married Until You Read This!’ will still be a valuable read. And the business/partnership considerations might be relevent to me… maybe in another 15 years