SQL Server TV Show Contest

When LOST finishes this year, we’re going to need some new entertainment.  Here’s the shows that I’m pitching to the major networks:

Dancing With The SELECT *’s

Every week, celebrity developers are paired with SQL Server MVPs to manage SQL Servers.  Tune in to find out if these coders can make their data dance, or if their efforts will fall flat.

Dirty SQL Agent Jobs

Every week, host Mike Row (no, not Rowe) searches the country for those thankless scheduled tasks that keep your servers in good shape.  He’ll interview the ones in the trenches – maintenance plans, index defrag scripts, and mirroring alerts.

The Deadliest Try/Catch

It’s not just the Bering Sea – it’s the Bering C#.  Ever seen those computers on the Captain’s dashboard that track where the crab pots are laid out?  This is where the real work is done – inside the database.  Forget the diesel engines and check out the database engines as we join the ship’s mechanic: Adam Machanic.

SSIS

When crime impacts the government database community, the SQL Server Investigative Service team jumps into action.  They might be disarmed forces, but they have keyboard hotkeys programmed to fire off KILL commands.

Law and ORDER BY

The police procedural genre has spawned countless spinoffs, and now it’s time to CREATE another one: the stored procedural show.  Turn your volume up, set nocount on, and join us for this brutal thriller that will solve a new execution plan every week.

Magnum, BI

Ever wonder where the “master” database got its name?  That’s right – Robin Masters.  Turn the clock back thirty years and join us in Hawaii to witness the birth of Business Intelligence.  Is Brad McGehee really the butler, or is he the man running the whole show?  You’ll have to watch to find out.

Doctor SP_Who

For decades, the cult British classic has tried and failed to make its way to the American shores, but this version is surely destined for success.  If this one doesn’t succeed, we’ll reboot it as Doctor SP_Who2.

It’s Your Turn! Pitch Us Your Show

Think you can top these?  Give it your best shot in the comments before Monday, January 4th.  My personal favorite will win an autographed copy of my new book, Professional SQL Server 2008 Internals and Troubleshooting.  Good luck!

Brent Ozar

Brent specializes in performance tuning for SQL Server, VMware, and storage. He's one of the very few Microsoft Certified Masters of SQL Server, a published author, and a Microsoft MVP. He likes travel, Jeeps, Apple gear, jokes, and writing about himself in the third person. Read more and contact Brent.

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