There’s been a lot of talk lately about how to become a Microsoft MVP (Most Valued Professional).  I’m not an MVP, and I don’t know exactly how to become an MVP, but I know people, and I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it all boils down to a simple quiz.  Sharpen those pencils and let’s get started!

Question 1: If you wrote a book, what would be on the cover?

• A black and white sketch of an animal (+2)
• “Building Web Applications with Linux, Apache, MySQL and PHP” (-1)
• A pirate preparing to rapture a woman in a long dress (-2)

Question 2: When will you start using Windows 7?

• Already using it on my primary workstation (+2)
• When the Release Candidate comes out (+1)
• I used Vista, and I’m not using Windows again until it goes up to 11. (-2)

Question 3: How do you feel about the Microsoft Certified Master program?

• It’s a great idea for ISVs and consulting companies (+2)
• Is there a braindump for it yet? (+1)
• I could go to Tahiti for that kind of money (-1)

Question 4: Describe your primary Windows workstation.

• The OS is on a raid 0 of solid state drives. (+1)
• I’ve got a second 24″ just for Perfmon. (+2)
• It’s a virtual machine on my Macbook Pro. (-2)

Question 5: How many Zunes do you have?

• Only one, because they keep getting cool new features via firmware updates (+1)
• Two. I had to buy another one on 12/31/2008 because I couldn’t go without it for a single day. (+2)
• Three, one for each Zune tattoo (+3)
• None – but does my iPhone count? (-2)

Question 6: What search engine do you use?

• Google (-1)
• Live.com (+1)
• Live.com, and since I manage group policy, I’ve set my entire company’s default search to Live too (+2)

Question 7: How do you get help from other DBAs?

• I open Outlook Express and post a question in the MSDN newsgroups (+2)
• I write a blog entry and people leave the answer in the comments (+1)
• I’m a paid member of ExpertSexchange (-2)

Checking Your MVP-ness Score

(Hint: say “MVP-ness” out loud and you’ll get it.  Well, you may not get it, but you’ll understand it.)

• Negative: it’s okay. You can watch the next Steve Jobs keynote with us.
• 0-4″: Outlook not so good, and neither is your chance of becoming an MVP.
• 5-9″: You’re in! Expect your MVP certificate in the mail soon!
• 10″ & over: John Holmes called, and he wants his MVP-ness back.