SQLBits Registration Open – great UK conference

I’ve blogged about the What, Where, and Why of SQLBits, and hopefully I’ve got you all psyched up about attending this really reasonably-priced conference.  Now’s your chance to get in: SQLBits registration is now open.

You can register for:

  • Full 3-day Conference (£350 now with the early bird discount) – Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  You can choose from 7 really good pre-conference sessions on Thursday including mine on virtualization, Buck Woody on career development, Rob Farley on fixing queries, and more.
  • 2-Day Conference (£125 with early bird discount) – Friday and Saturday.  You don’t get the pre-con sessions on Thursday, but this is still an amazing deal for what you’re getting.
  • Saturday Only (Free!) – seriously, people, why would you not register for this?  It costs less than the shirt on your back, and believe me, it’s worth more.

Register for SQLBits now.

Edward Tufte Wants to Change Everything

Typical Executive

Several hours into Edward Tufte‘s day-long seminar on visual communications in Chicago, he revealed what he really hates about our communications tools.

He briefly touched on the origin of the desktop with the Xerox Alto, a document-oriented computer.  He said that users didn’t see applications – they saw lists of documents, and they chose which document to work with.  The document held any kind of content – paragraphs, charts, pictures, etc – laid out as they would print out.  He lamented that today, we don’t focus on documents – we go to “special rooms” to do each task.  When we want to write text, we open Word.  When we want charts, we open Excel.  When we want to draw, we use Adobe Illustrator.

Tufte believes this application-oriented thinking has broken how we communicate.  (Ironically, he thinks the app market in the iPhone/iPad are fixing this, but it’s quite the opposite.  These systems sandbox each application’s files so that no app can open another app’s documents, even if they’re compatible.)

Since we’re conditioned to using PowerPoint to build presentations, we think of presentations as low-resolution, dribbled-out morsels of thought.  Our six-bullet slides have turned into a children’s book:

  • See Spot
  • See Spot’s sales
  • Spot’s sales are low
  • Sell, Spot, sell

The Easy Fix: Newspaper-Style Delivery

Typical Executive

Typical Executive

Just ask the executives you’re presenting to – or better yet, just watch them.  You’ll often catch them in their native habitats carrying around the newspaper’s sports page or financial page, poring over numbers.

They’re not getting paid to do that.  In fact, it’s the other way around – they’re paying for the privilege.  (Well, in less and less numbers these days.)

Tufte suggests that for really compelling presentations, you should throw away the slide deck format and think of PowerPoint as nothing more than a projector operating system.  Build one strong high-resolution, ledger-size printout, hand it out to your attendees, and let their eyes and minds explore your beautiful design.  Sentences, numbers, graphics, maps, and more – pile it all in, but do it artfully using the guidelines he gives in his design books.  It’s a lot of work, but if you put enough effort into a reusable delivery format that covers a topic you need frequently, you can keep reusing that format for months or years.

This technique doesn’t work for everyone – if you have to keep rebuilding presentations from scratch every month to cover completely different topics, then you probably won’t be able to build up something this good in a short amount of time.  Tufte has other tips that will help rescue your audience from slide deck hell, but the “supergraphic” concept won’t make for rapid presentation development.

I get it.  I totally get it.  In my mind, I immediately started designing an 11″ x 17″ handout for how to read and improve SQL Server execution plans.  I knew exactly how I wanted it laid out, what I’d put on each side, and how I could reuse it for several presentations.  I’d even use it when I show clients how to tune their database applications.  I’d be rich and famous – okay, well, more rich and famous.

There’s Just Two Problems

I don’t have a tool that lay out something that complex, so now I have to go buy an expensive design/layout tool like Adobe Illustrator.  I say the name of that product only because it’s the only one I know, so even just the act of researching it will take time.  I glanced at the Wikipedia entry for vector graphics software and recoiled in horror.  I need an easy button, especially as complex as the supergraphic will get.  I can’t just take a screen capture of an execution plan on a 42″ monitor – I want to expand certain parts of it to make annotations easier and overlay parts that only show up when the mouse is hovered over it.

Tufte Explaining Flatland

Tufte Explaining Flatland

Even when I whip out my credit card and license something, I’m not done – I don’t have the skills to use it, nor the interest in spending the time to learn.  I have to get trained or spend valuable time digging into what amounts to a drawing tool.  I’m not an artist – I got into databases for a reason.  Tufte suggests that you should have one artist/techie build a few key templates for you in Adobe Illustrator (or whatever), automate them so that you can change numbers in Excel or Illustrator, and then everything will be taken care of.  The geek in me raises his eyebrows.

For solo consultants or people working in small departments, this expense of money and time might not make sense.  Instead, I’m thinking about finding a local design consultant, writing out what I want, and entering into a business arrangement.  For designs like my execution plan layout, it’s worth $500-$1,500 to me to have it done right – I’ll recoup that money in the first pre-conference session I do anyway.  I can update it myself over time as I add more to my sessions.

For independent speakers, like DBAs and developers who are just getting started with community presentations, I don’t see an easy fix.  (No, getting an open source design program, learning it, and building an 11×17 handout is not an easy fix.)

Tufte’s Seminar and Books: Still Worth It

The techniques he preaches aren’t easy, but boy, are they inspiring.  In the one-day course I attended, he touched on subjects as diverse as the Gotti trial, the journal Nature, and the Music Animation Machine, shown here:

I highly recommend his work.

Good Advice from Richard Simmons

Yesterday at the Quest virtual conference, I showed up for one of my sessions in a Richard Simmons costume – big wig, short jogging shorts, and a lime green tank top with fake chest hair coming out every which way but loose. @SQLSamson captured the moment live:

Microsoft Certified Master at Work

Microsoft Certified Master at Work

Viewers at home were treated to a high definition video feed of my pasty-white skin, and fun was had by all. I haven’t read the chat logs yet, but I did get one email that stood out to me:

Very funny, and it takes a very secure person to do something like that.

That made me sit bolt upright, because it reminds me of something I’ve wanted to communicate here on the blog for quite a while, and it reminded me of a prominent theme in Richard Simmons’ videos. Fast forward to 1m:30sec in his appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres show:

Ellen Degeneres asks, “Everyone has aspirations to get in better shape – what advice do you have for people?”

Richard answers, “Number one, love yourself, have a lot of self-worth.”

This advice doesn’t just hold true for getting into better shape – it’s for public speaking, taking control of your career, and having better relationships.

Loving yourself and having a lot of self-worth doesn’t mean a big ego. I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not an attractive fella when I’m wearing a tank top and short shorts, but that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of who I am. Today, right now, this is as good as I’ll ever look, and that’s a mixed bag. When I look back in my mental rearview mirror and think back about my body at age 16, it’s so tempting to say, “Wow, I wish I still looked like that.” But the reality is that at age 16, I was drinking Enfamil trying to bulk up because I was too skinny. I was horrified at my rail frame, and I wanted to be like the guys who played sports.

Right now, I could examine myself and say, “Wow, I wish I looked like that guy on the cover of ESPN Magazine,” but that’s the wrong comparison. Instead, I think about what I’m going to look like fifteen or twenty years from now. In that future, I’ll be looking back at my 36-year-old body and saying, “Wow, I didn’t realize how good I had it when I could walk up a flight of stairs without my knees hurting.” Right now, you have it better than you’re ever going to have it for the rest of your life. From right now forward, you’re never going to think faster or look better than today. Put the gun down – I’m not encouraging suicide – but stop comparing yourself to somebody else’s body or brain, and start comparing yourself to your future.

If you’re not getting up in front of user groups because you don’t look like George Clooney or because you don’t think as fast as Buck Woody, get over it. Your clock is ticking, and it won’t tick forever. Take me – my family tree is riddled with heart disease and cancer. I write this blog knowing full well my web site will live on longer than I will, and sooner or later, somebody’s going to read these words when I’ve passed away. If I waited to do Richard Simmons stunts until I looked good in a lime green tank top with fake chest hair, you wouldn’t ever see me do stunts period.

As you age, you won’t have regrets about the things you can’t control.

You will regret the things you could have controlled, but didn’t.

Get out. Meet people. Share what you know. Help others conquer obstacles. Make a difference. The people who really matter don’t care what you look like – they care that you care, and that’s something you can control.

SQLBits – What, Where, and Why

SQLBits is a unique SQL Server event in the United Kingdom, and even if you’re not in the UK, there’s some things you might find interesting about how it works.

  • Thursday – Pre-Conference Sessions – for £350, you get in-depth training on one particular subject from one trainer.  Attendees like pre-con sessions when they need more than just 45 minutes of training on a subject, like when they’re starting to work with SSIS or virtualization for the first time.  I’m doing a pre-con on Virtualization & SAN Basics for DBAs – I’ve been gradually expanding my coverage on this topic over the years, and I’m up to a full day of goodies now.
  • Friday – Deep-Dive Conference Sessions – for £225, you get access to a day of advanced sessions by the best speakers.
  • Saturday – Free Public Conference – anyone is free to waltz in, sit down, and get their learn on.

Interesting pricing setup, huh?  You can choose as much in-depth long-session learning as you want, or just come for the presentation buffet on Saturday.  But there’s something else that makes SQLBits unique – you can vote on the sessions you want to see!  After you register for an account and log in, your session list screen will look like this:

SQLBits Voting

SQLBits Voting

Just click on the sessions you like, and your voice is heard by the conference organizers.  These guys are doing a fantastic job of building a great event.

If you’re in the UK, go hit SQLBits, register for an account, vote for the sessions you wanna see, and help ‘em bring you the best training.

Knowledge in ____ is a plus

Got this email from a recruiter this morning and just had to share it:

But it's not required

But it's not required

That’s right, it actually says “Knowledge in ____ is a plus.”

No, they didn’t bother finishing the above sentence that starts with, “However the expectation is that this” but I’ll fill it out for you.  “However, the expectation is that this position will never be filled because the recruiter isn’t trying all that hard to begin with.”

And recruiters wonder why I let all unknown calls go straight to voicemail on my phone….



July 20 - Silicon Valley SQL Server User Group - Top 10 SQL Server Scaling Problems

July 21 - Quest Day-Long Virtual Conference - Perfmon, wait stats, Blitzes, and more.

July 31 SQLSaturday South Florida - frrrreeee training!

Aug 2-6 SQLCruise - learn about SQL Server in Miami, Key West, and Cozumel.

More Upcoming Events